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Writing Samples
Band 7

The chart below shows the number of trips made by children in one country in 1990 and 2010 to travel to and from school using different modes of transport. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the number of trips made by children in one country in 1990 and 2010 to travel to and from school using different modes of transport. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The bar graph below illustrates the number of
trips
Use synonyms
 towards and back from school taken by children in an unspecified country during the time period between 1990 and 2010, and the means of
transportation
Use synonyms
 used.
Overall
Linking Words
, the most used means of
transportation
Use synonyms
 in different years were private vehicles and walking. Meanwhile, other means of
transportation
Use synonyms
 varied their use depending on the studied
year
Use synonyms
. During 1990, walking alone was the most used method of
transportation
Use synonyms
 averaging just above 12
million
Use synonyms
trips
Use synonyms
 per
year
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, automobile usage was at its lowest averaging just above 4
million
Use synonyms
 in the given
year
Use synonyms
. Cycling, walking
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
taking the
bus
Use synonyms
 and just taking the
bus
Use synonyms
 fluctuated between 6 to 7
million
Use synonyms
trips
Use synonyms
 per
year
Use synonyms
, peaking at their highest usage during
this
Linking Words
year
Use synonyms
. In comparison, in 2010 the use of private vehicles peaked, almost tripling the number of
trips
Use synonyms
 per
year
Use synonyms
 totalling just above 11 billion of
trips
Use synonyms
 per
year
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 walking alone saw a dramatic decrease, losing half of its usage from previous years. Cycling was the lowest used means of
transportation
Use synonyms
 amounting to 2
million
Use synonyms
trips
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 walking and taking the
bus
Use synonyms
 simultaneously or just taking the
bus
Use synonyms
 totaled around 3
million
Use synonyms
 and 5
million
Use synonyms
 respectively.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words trips, transportation, year, million, bus with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • trips
  • children
  • modes of transport
  • walk
  • cycle
  • public transport
  • drive
  • car
  • trends
  • decrease
  • increase
  • shift
  • convenient
  • comfortable
  • commuting
  • traffic congestion
  • safety concerns
  • significant
  • indicate
  • reasons
  • traffic congestion
  • safety concerns
  • 20-year period
  • doubled
  • considerable margin
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