Some people think that young people should spend free time with families instead of outside entertainment, others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In
this
day and age, it is believed that youngsters should spend their spare
time
with family members more often.
However
, others claim that they should be allowed to enjoy outside activities.
This
essay will discuss both sides of the argument. As far as I am concerned, the young should be the ones to be in charge of how they use their free moments. On the one hand, being around families
strengthen
Correct subject-verb agreement
strengthens
show examples
the relationships between members. In some communities,
for example
, most parents are trying to minimize the prevalent generation gap.
Thus
, they are expected to have quality
time
with their offspring as much as possible, so they can meet their children's needs.
Besides
, family-oriented children are believed to behave better and have more manners
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
to those spending less
time
at home.
In other words
, kids can learn moral and ethical values when being at home more often.
For instance
, Vietnamese people are always strict about teaching their kids table etiquette.
As a result
, these young ones will grow up being fully equipped with essential virtues and can conduct themselves well in the world.
On the other hand
, implementing outdoor entertainment can greatly enhance one's interpersonal
skills
. Specifically, the youth can practise communication
skills
when making friends.
Consequently
, they will have those crucial soft
skills
which are needed for
this
21st century.
In contrast
, children who have less contact with the outside world might become more reserved. Later in life, they may find it difficult to adapt to a new working environment as they cannot make connections with other coworkers.
Additionally
, going out is an excellent way of breaking the autonomy of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
daily life. Particularly, some students
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
such
a tight schedule that they hardly have fun hanging around with their friends.
For
this
reason, millennials should allocate their hours to fulfil their energy and quench
the
Change the word
their
show examples
thirst
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
being sociable.
To sum up
, familial gatherings can help equip the young with moral values and enhance the ties between relatives.
Nevertheless
, vital interactive and social
skills
can mostly developed through outdoor
contacts
Fix the agreement mistake
contact
show examples
. To my mind, the youth should be the ones to decide who they want to spend
time
with as they completely have the right to do so.
Submitted by phamngoclannhu.97 on

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task response
Make sure you address all parts of the prompt and clearly state your opinion in the introduction.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure a logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. Use transition words to connect your paragraphs.
lexical resource
Vary your vocabulary by using synonyms and more advanced vocabulary. Pay attention to word choice and accuracy.
grammatical range
Continue to work on your grammatical accuracy and range. Be mindful of subject-verb agreement and sentence structure.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • bond
  • relationship
  • communication
  • experience
  • learn
  • opportunity
  • exposure
  • culture
  • perspective
  • development
  • interest
  • skill
  • socialize
  • peer
  • broaden
  • horizon
  • opinion
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