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Band 4.5

Fossil fuels are the main source of energy around the world today. In some countries, the use of alternative sources of energy is replacing fossil fuels. Is this a positive or negative development?

#fuels #source #energy #world #countries #alternative #sources #development
These days,
people
 think that we must find a reusable
energy
 for preventing a diversity of pollution and for
humans
Change the noun form
human
show examples
 health. I believe that we should use alternative sources of
energy
instead
 of fossil
fuels
. I will present my views
about
Change preposition
on
show examples
this
 subject and make a conclusion.
To begin
 with, a lot of experts argue that we have to look for and use reusable
energy
 down the road because fossil
fuels
 will ruin an
overall
 environment like air and water
qualities
Fix the agreement mistake
quality
show examples
 and trigger
deforestations
Fix the agreement mistake
deforestation
show examples
 in many places by constructing
natures
Fix the agreement mistake
nature
show examples
 to get a number of fossil
fuels
.
For example
, There were designated areas to protect the biggest nature, especially in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
North
america
Change the capitalization
America
show examples
,
however
,
people
 who
want
Wrong verb form
wanted
show examples
 to get
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
petroleum in the places established several factories to dig
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 ground for
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
petroleum.
As a result
, the
naturel
Correct your spelling
natural
 regions were developed and destroyed enormously, and most of the natives lost their habitats.
Additionally
, we can not deny that fossil
fuels
 create plenty of harmful chemical substances unstoppably. Those substances will wipe out the Earth’s circulated system and
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 suffer from unpredictable climate changes like a scorching summer.
For instance
, the number of
died
Replace the word
dead
show examples
people
 by
sever
Correct your spelling
severe
show examples
 climate change
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 been
raising
Correct your spelling
rising
show examples
 consistently, even amount of died elderly
people
due to
this
 climate change
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
doubled
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 year in Korea.
Consequently
, utilizing alternative sources of
energy
 is an inevitable factor
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 human In conclusion, I think that we have to struggle to make
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 right
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
 like using
nature
Replace the word
natural
show examples
 sources and
energy
 and replacing most of the
energy
 from fossil
fuels
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 reusable
energy
.
Submitted by daye9114 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure your introduction clearly presents your viewpoint and includes a thesis statement.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of your essay by organizing your ideas more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your conclusion restates your viewpoint and summarizes your main arguments.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance your essay.
grammatical range
Ensure your sentences are grammatically correct and varied in structure.
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