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Band 5

Million of dollars are spent on space research every year. Some people argue that the money should be spent on improving living standards on Earth. Do you agree or disagree?

#million #dollars #space #research #year #people #money #standards #earth
It is true that
people
 have different views in terms of the role of
space
 exploration when a great deal of money
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 been
investing
Wrong verb form
invested
show examples
 in
this
 sector. In my opinion,
while
 I agree that enhancing
living
Correct article usage
the living
show examples
 standards of ordinary
people
 is the top priority of the government, I believe that
space
 research is equally important. On the one hand, there are several reasons why pouring money into improving
standards
Correct article usage
the standards
show examples
 of living of inhabitants is far more pivotal.
Firstly
, it is true that many regions on Earth are enduring economic deprivation, which
deserve
Change the verb form
deserves
show examples
 immediate government funding. To illustrate, thousands of
people
 in Africa, a country which is infamous for poverty, are starving in default of basic necessities
such
 as food and even drinkable water. Money,
therefore
, could be diverted to
this
 region to eliminate poverty and help the locals climb higher in
social
Correct article usage
the social
show examples
 ladder
instead
 of squandering on
space
 programs.
Besides
, subsidizing educational facilities and quality could
also
 be vital and desperately need investment from governments themselves. Without investing heavily in
such
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
, literacy and numeracy
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
show examples
 could decrease in the predictable future,
not to mention
 national economy could
also
 be in recession in the long run.
On the other hand
, I believe that
space
 research could benefit inhabitants as well to some extent seeing that I might help deal with overpopulation and natural resources crisis. It stands to reason that we human beings have been facing unprecedented overpopulation in many recent decades, which is a headache for governments. Conducting universal travels could,
therefore
, bring a solution if astronauts could find other non-earth planets that accommodate the huge number of residents all over the world. Humans are
also
 encountering
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 crisis with regard to natural
resources
Change the noun form
resource
show examples
 scarcity
such
 as rare metals and oil, which might abound
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 other planets. If,
for example
, these planets could be sought out,
then
 it is highly likely that World Wars for the purpose of oil could no
long
Rephrase
longer
show examples
 exist. In conclusion, it seems to me that
although
 the mission to improve
living
Correct article usage
the living
show examples
 standards of ordinary
people
 is greatly important, the investment in
space
 travel could
also
 merit consideration.
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coherence cohesion
Consider creating stronger, more distinct paragraphs that each cover a single main point for clearer structure and improved coherence.
coherence cohesion
Include a more varied range of cohesive devices to demonstrate logical connections between ideas and paragraphs for a higher coherence score.
task achievement
Fully expand on examples to effectively support your main points and use more precise details for higher task achievement scores.
task achievement
A clear thesis statement at the end of the introduction would strengthen your essay by clearly outlining your position.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • space exploration
  • technological advancements
  • scientific discoveries
  • astronomy
  • satellites
  • international collaboration
  • economic benefits
  • living standards
  • infrastructure
  • education
  • healthcare
  • poverty reduction
  • distribute funds
  • resource allocation
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