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Band 5

Millions of dollars are spent on space research every year. Some people argue the money should be spent on improving living standards on Earth. Do you agree or disagree?

#millions #dollars #space #research #year #people #money #standards #earth
This
 essay will explain my opinion that huge amounts of money should be poured into bettering life standards
instead
 of
space
 exploration as current.
Space
 is believed to be infinite and the knowledge that human has gained about it is too little so far. That’s why several non-governmental organizations are established to satisfy man’s curiosity about
space
.
This
 has
leaded
Correct your spelling
led
show examples
 to numerous small-to-large-scale projects relating to the universe,
along
Correct word choice
and along
show examples
 with them are substantial flows of money needed to carry out from start to finish. These large expenses,
however
, could be spent on improving life standards
instead
 as many think that man should focus on lives on Earth before
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
outer
space
. In terms of
space
 exploration, the writer believes that the
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
 of
this
 could outweigh the
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
.
To begin
 with, any weather-relating spheres,
such
 as agriculture and tourism, heavily depend on the national weather forecast. By discovering new atmospheric areas for satellites to come, any unexpected climate patterns could be informed in real-time, farmers thereby won’t have their crops damaged by climate disasters like tornado or hurricane, and travel guides will know which day is least likely to rain to lead their tourists go outdoors. Another merit is that fostering
space
 discoveries can partially locate a new planet which is live-able to
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 and able to maintain industrial activities as current on Earth.
Nevertheless
,
this
 plus is not practical as individuals are all contributing to
lower
Change the verb form
lowering
show examples
 their own carbon footprint and it is a long time from now before scientists
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 find out when is doomsday. In conclusion,
although
 many insist
on
Change preposition
that
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 enhancing living standards
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 right to some extent, I would lean
myself
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
on
Change preposition
toward
show examples
 the idea that money should be spent on exploring the universe
as
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the above-mentioned reasons.
Submitted by zky1705202 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument and provides clear and relevant supporting evidence.
coherence cohesion
Include a clear thesis statement that outlines your position on the topic. Also, provide a conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your opinion.
lexical resource
Utilize a wider range of vocabulary to enhance the quality of your writing. Use synonyms, idiomatic expressions, and more complex sentence structures to demonstrate your lexical resource.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar. Avoid errors in verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and word order.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • space exploration
  • scientific discoveries
  • cutting-edge technology
  • pioneering research
  • socio-economic development
  • improved healthcare
  • education
  • poverty alleviation
  • infrastructure
  • balanced approach
  • cost-effective
  • prioritize
  • allocate
  • resources
  • budget
  • investment
  • sustainable development
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