Advertising has become part of everyone’s life. Some people say that advertising has a positive impact on our lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There is no doubt that these days we are living in a consumer culture. Advertising is a key part of modern business. Some
people
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argue that advertisement has benefits for
people
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's lives. In
this
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essay, I will discuss
this
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argument and provide my point of view. ‏In terms of advantages, advertising is a form of modern art. It is undeniable that many
people
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enjoy adverts.
That is
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because advertising informs us about the choices we have.
Moreover
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, companies
such
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as Amazon need to tell customers about their new products in order to increase their sales .
Furthermore
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, advertising is a creative industry that employs many
people
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. So without advertising, there would be higher unemployment.
In addition
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,
people
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always want to know the latest trends.
However
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, without ads, we would have limited choices . ‏
On the other hand
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, advertisements could have
also
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drawbacks.
First,
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advertising manipulates
people
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by persuading them that buying a product will make them happier.
Secondly
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, advertising companies use glamorous or successful individuals in their adverts , and they usually aim their marketing at
children
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.
Besides
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,
children
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are easily influenced by advertisements like fast food commercials that are displayed on television.
Therefore
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,
children
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put pressure on parents to buy them things.
Additionally
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, some
commercials
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commercial
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products exhibit a risk to health. ‏
To sum up
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, advertising has become an integral part of
people
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's lives. But I do believe that the advertisement has the negatives outweigh the positives.
Therefore
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, the commercials aimed at
children
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should be controlled or even banned.
Similarly
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, the government must ensure that steps are taken to prevent
this
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phenomenon in future.
Submitted by du.sg16 on

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coherence cohesion
Introduce paragraphs clearly to improve logical flow.
task achievement
Ensure that both sides of the argument are evenly discussed.
task achievement
Include more varied examples to support the claims.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
The main points about advertising's positive and negative impacts are well addressed.
task achievement
Strong vocabulary usage enhances clarity.
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