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Band 4

Millions of dollars are spent on space research every year. Some people argue that the money should be spent on improving living standards on Earth. Do you agree or disagree ?

#millions #dollars #space #research #year #people #money #standards #earth
It has been said that funding should be used to cause an improvement in living
standards
.
This
 essay agrees with
this
 statement and will explain the reason why. One of the primary reasons why living
standards
 need to be raised money because social inequalities still exist around the world. We just focus on
further
 targets and forget how the poor and disabled people live. More and more slums appear
as a result
 of the government having a lot of taxes, and fees for them.
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
 if we do not improve living
standards
 on Earth, there will be more unemployment and crime, which is a global issue that governments still consider. Another advantageous aspect of improving living
standards
 in our modern era is that the nations will promote
significantly
Correct pronoun usage
it significantly
show examples
.
This
 is because citizens have sustained careers and good sources of revenue leading to GDP increasing and authority gaining more opportunities to research galactic exploration. It is
further
 planned to build up the country.
Additionally
, if people have stable jobs, governments will not pay too much attention to living
standards
 and just concentrate on exploring space and natural resources In conclusion, governments should cause improvements in living
standards
instead
 of space exploration.
This
 clarifies that people will have a good living cost and permanent jobs, and global issues will decrease
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
Correct article usage
the country's
show examples
country's
Change noun form
country
show examples
 peaceful and tranquil
Submitted by nguyenkhuyenhcmcs4k11 on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your ideas and arguments.
coherence cohesion
Focus on creating a more logical structure to improve coherence and cohesion.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary and use more precise language.
grammatical range
Work on improving your grammatical accuracy and sentence variety.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • space exploration
  • scientific discoveries
  • cutting-edge technology
  • pioneering research
  • socio-economic development
  • improved healthcare
  • education
  • poverty alleviation
  • infrastructure
  • balanced approach
  • cost-effective
  • prioritize
  • allocate
  • resources
  • budget
  • investment
  • sustainable development
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