IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

On one hand, nuclear power provides cheap and clean energy. On the other hand, nuclear weapons are a potent threat to world peace. Do the benefits of nuclear technology outweigh the risks? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Some accounts that nuclear technology has several benefits
such
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 as producing electricity and for upcoming research,
whereas
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 others believe that the consequences of these items are far more than its advantages like misuse of weapons and threats to peace.
However
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, I believe the drawbacks outweigh the benefits
such
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 as human life threats and less peace and resources.
To begin
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 with, producing electricity on the earth can be the first positive reason for these energies. To explain
further
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, 60% of power is produced by these elements on the earth, especially in developed countries. U.S.A.,
for example
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, is completing their demand for continuous service from these substances to accomplish their goal of cheap service. On the opposite side,
Firstly
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, these elements are used to make life-threatening weapons namely bombs.
In addition
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, a number of countries are making guns and bombs for supremacy, take the example of America and Russia. The few nations , to illustrate, are competing to make more powerful equipment to maintain their threat in the world like Israel.
Furthermore
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, the misuse of
this
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 equipment is having a negative impact on human civilization
as well as
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 on the growth of the state because of the number of deaths and fewer resources. In conclusion, there has been a big debate about whether these energies have more pros or not.
However
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, the disadvantages of using these products are far more compared to the advantages
such
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 as risk to human lives, more wars, and fewer resources.
Hence
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, in my opinion, if these items can not be banned from the nations, the consequences will be on the next level.

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coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured and does represent an introduction and conclusion. However, there are some areas where the student's ideas could be linked more effectively and accurately through the use of cohesive devices.
task achievement
Although the essay does provide a response to the topic, ideas could be developed more analyze the topic in terms of benefits and risks. Additionally, the essay could benefit from clearer, more distinct perspective(s).
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a breadth of vocabulary, but grammatical errors can cause confusion in understanding. It would be beneficial to focus much harder on rectifying fundamental syntax and grammar issues. Consider using a variety of complex and compound sentences and verify personal, possessive, and indefinite pronouns, and verb conjugation.
grammatical range
A broad range of structures are used but with some error. In order to achieve a higher score in this criterion, improvements could be made in areas including sentence structures, word choice, and grammatical consistency. Try to use a mix of sentence structures and remember to check for subject-verb agreement and appropriate verb tenses.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Nuclear power
  • Cheap and clean energy
  • Nuclear weapons
  • Threat to world peace
  • Benefits
  • Risks
  • Potent threat
  • Deterrence
  • Security
  • Accidents
  • Disasters
  • Misuse
  • Balancing
  • Strict regulations
  • International cooperation
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