some children spend hours everyday on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development.

With the advancement of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology smartphone is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
available source for everyone.People
argued
Wrong verb form
argue
show examples
that some
children
spend a lot of
time
on their smartphones.I think that it is a negative development and
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
show examples
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
the advantages of smartphones towards
children
.
it
Capitalize word
It
show examples
will be discussed
further
through the given paragraphs. There is a huge concern when
children
spend hours
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
on their
mobilephones
Correct your spelling
mobile phones
.
Due to
the
COVID 19
Add a hyphen
COVID-19
show examples
pandemic
Add a comma
pandemic,
show examples
students have been given a mobile phone to cover their school activities and
also
extra class work.
Children
easily can be addicted to
such
a device.
Then
it is very hard to release them from the electronic device.Mobile phones can reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
family bonds and relationships
while
catching
children
's attraction.Not only that
children
may suffer from severe eye diseases.
Student
Fix the agreement mistake
Students
show examples
can
acessess
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access
lot
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a lot
show examples
of social media platforms like
facebook
Capitalize word
Facebook
show examples
,
whatsapp
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Whatsapp
WhatsApp
show examples
and
youtube
Correct your spelling
YouTube
show examples
.They can build unnecessary relationships and can be
frauden
Correct your spelling
fraud
frauded
fraudulent
by someone else.
On the other hand
,there are lots of
benifits
Correct your spelling
benefits
from mobile phones. Student can learn easily and can save their
time
for physical
classes
. There are
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
of online platforms that students can use to improve their knowledge.
Infact
Correct your spelling
In fact
by using u tube it is easy to learn and concentrate on difficult theories. Other than that, parents can save their
time
by allowing
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
go to online
classes
. Online
classes
and lessons are much more
cheeper
Correct your spelling
cheaper
than that of physical
classes
.
Hence
parents can save money to perform any other thing.
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
no need to provide extra learning materials
such
as
tutes
Correct your spelling
tubes
and books. Students can store their learning materials
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Change the word
their
show examples
smart phones
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
.
To conclude
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
think spending a massive
time
with
smartphone
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a smartphone
show examples
definitely
bring
Verb problem
has
show examples
a negative impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
as well as
society.
Hence
, parents should always take care of their
children
to protect them.
Aforementioned
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The aforementioned
show examples
facts may support
to conclude
Verb problem
apply
show examples
my opinion.
Submitted by chamodimadushika2223 on

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Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas in a more coherent manner, using clear topic sentences for each paragraph.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary range and use more precise and varied vocabulary.
grammatical range
Improve your sentence structure by using a variety of complex and compound sentences.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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