IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Too much money is spent by individuals and governments on making themselves and the areas they live in look beautiful. This is wasteful and it has no useful purpose. Instead, the money should be spent on improving individuals health . Do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#money #individuals #governments #areas #purpose #health
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Nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 more amount of
money
Use synonyms
 on their surroundings areas and
themslves
Correct your spelling
themselves
 to look nice and it is considered
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
useless and
inspite
Correct your spelling
spite
those used
Change the determiner
that used money
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 can be spent to nourish
Correct article usage
the
show examples
healthcare of the
people
Use synonyms
. I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion and will discuss
in
Correct pronoun usage
it in
show examples
 the
fothcoming
Correct your spelling
forthcoming
 paragraphs. In recent
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
, healthcare is not sufficient for
public
Add an article
the public
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. Most of the
government
Use synonyms
scheme
Fix the agreement mistake
schemes
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 emphasize
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
city growth by constructing aesthetic buildings and
tower
Fix the agreement mistake
towers
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, they have formulated a scheme called
smart
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the smart
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 city which focuses on constructing
well organized
Add a hyphen
well-organized
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pathway
Fix the agreement mistake
pathways
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 with unique structural
bulidings
Correct your spelling
buildings
. They come with
tender
Add an article
the tender
a tender
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 of more than 50 lakhs. Since it is necessary to keep the areas clean
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it is not mandatory to construct those tall structures.
Linking Words
Instead
Add a comma
Instead,
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 they can spend
those
Change the determiner
that money
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money
Use synonyms
 on improving
Add an article
the
show examples
lifestyle of the
people
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because not all
government
Use synonyms
hospital
Fix the agreement mistake
hospitals
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 are
well equipped
Add a hyphen
well-equipped
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. A fair amount
people
Use synonyms
, still suffer without getting a proper diagnostic report from the
government
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 healthcare centres. Individuals residing in rural areas are more affected when
compare
Change the form of the verb
compared
show examples
 with urban
people
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because in rural only
few
Correct article usage
a few
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 hospitals are under
government
Use synonyms
 control and
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
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 not have well equipped medical system. So,
people
Use synonyms
 should rely on urban hospitals.
Correct your spelling
In spite
Inspite
Correct your spelling
In spite
 of all
those
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 useless
spendings
Fix the agreement mistake
spending
show examples
, the
government
Use synonyms
 can take
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 initiative to upskill the lifestyle of the individuals by proper planning of hospital and diagnostic centres.
To conclude
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that spending
money
Use synonyms
 on mankind will
leads
Wrong verb form
lead
show examples
 to growth in their life
as well as
Linking Words
 it paves the way for
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
disease free
Add a hyphen
disease-free
show examples
 environment.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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Task Response
Make sure to address the topic in each paragraph and provide supporting examples and explanations.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas and improving the flow of your essay.
Lexical Resource
Expand your vocabulary and use more varied and precise language.
Grammatical Range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to enhance clarity and precision.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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