IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that children should spend all of their free time with thrir family. Others believe that thid is unnecessary or even negative. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #children #time #thrir #thid
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Whilst
people
Use synonyms
 have a prevalent conception that youngsters should solely be allowed to
hang-out
Correct your spelling
hang out
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 with their relatives, I think they should be given the freedom of choice to
opt
Verb problem
choose
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 how to spend their
time
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 with whomever they want. On the one hand, juveniles often have to bear the pressure exerted by their relatives for how to spend their leisure
time
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 and being allowed to only pick their family
members
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 to have
a
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apply
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company. Owing to their
conservatice
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conservative
 beliefs,
people
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 try to keep their kids away from
perils
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the perils
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 of
a
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apply
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society
such
Linking Words
 as developing bad habits like smoking, doing drugs, and alcohol consumption. It is not limited to certain bad habits, but
also
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 to give a helping hand to the
younsters
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youngsters
 to hone themselves into better individuals of future
socities
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societies
 by spending their free
time
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 wisely and prudently.
For example
Linking Words
, the majority of
Correct article usage
apply
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the
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apply
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countries now are implementing a similar technique to bring up their kids under
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apply
show examples
a
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apply
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disciplined supervision by prohibiting them from
killing
Verb problem
spending
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time
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 with
people
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 other than their own kin. On the flip side, the most pragmatic way of raising an individual goes through a comprehensive yet
an
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apply
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intrinsic mix of events that occur
simultanously
Correct your spelling
simultaneously
. In order for
children
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 to develop certain soft and social skills, they should be given a chance to actively engage with new personas so that those properties
could
Wrong verb form
can
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 be learned by examples.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, limiting the social circle of
children
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with
Change preposition
to
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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family
members
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 only might be detrimental in many ways. As a vivid example of
this
Linking Words
,
children
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 who spend their free
time
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 with family
members
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 only are inclined to be introverts when they are associated with foreigners. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 spending
time
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 with family
members
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 is a method to protect the
children
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 from dangers of today's society, they should have the right to share their spare
time
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 with the choice of their
people
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 to increase their social skills
as well as
Linking Words
 quality of
time
Use synonyms
 is being consumed.
Submitted by orkhanshamil on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and a logical flow of ideas. Use transition words and phrases to connect your sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Include a stronger introduction and conclusion that clearly address the topic and provide a preview and summary of your main points respectively.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary by using more specific and precise words. Also, pay attention to collocations to enhance the naturalness of your language.
grammatical range
Pay closer attention to grammatical accuracy, specifically verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure. Proofread your essay to eliminate any errors.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • bonding
  • values and traditions
  • sense of security
  • nurturing environment
  • emotional well-being
  • social interactions
  • interpersonal skills
  • over-dependence
  • independence
  • self-reliance
  • balance
  • peers
  • comprehensive development
  • confidence
  • collaboration
  • diverse environments
  • cognitive growth
  • emotional growth
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