IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many things that used to be done in home by hands are now being done by machines . Does it bring more advantages or disadvantages ?

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In recent years,
people
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 started to do
things
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 through the use of special
machines
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 rather than to do them manually.
While
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this
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 tendency has several benefits
such
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 as
time
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 efficiency and increased
productivity
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,it
also
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 has many undeniable drawbacks,including loss of employment. One of the main advantages of
people
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 opting for doing
things
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 using
machines
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instead
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 of doing them by hand is that it can save their
time
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 as most
machines
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 do tasks autonomously without any human intervention and in
this
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 case,
individuals
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 can focus on more important
things
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instead
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 of doing tasks.
For example
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,washing
machines
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 clean clothes without involving
individuals
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 and
people
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 can allocate their
time
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 to more necessary activities rather than washing them by hand.
Furthermore
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,doing work with the help of
machines
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 can lead to increased
productivity
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 because
people
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 may not do tasks as well and accurately as
machines
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.
For instance
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,sewing
machines
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 sew clothes very accurately and in a better way rather than
individuals
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 which may lead to increased
productivity
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. Despite its benefits,it
also
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 has some drawbacks.One major concern is that the tendency to use
machines
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 to do
things
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 rather than to do them manually among
individuals
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 can lead to a loss of
skills
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.
As a result
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 of overreliance on technology ,
people
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 do not want to do work by hand ,and over
time
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 they start to lose their
skills
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and
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apply
show examples
in the long run,it can lead to job losses as they may not have any
skills
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 in their occupations.
For example
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,in many developed countries,residents are more inclined to use technological tools to do
things
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 and they started to lose their
skills
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 and ultimately,their occupations Taking everything into account,
while
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 opting for technological tools to do
things
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instead
Linking Words
 of doing them manually has many benefits,
such
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 as
productivity
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 and
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time saving
Add a hyphen
time-saving
show examples
,it is important to consider its potential drawbacks,including job displacement.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures more to enhance readability and engage your reader.
Task Achievement
Try to deepen your analysis by exploring the implications of losing skills and job displacement more thoroughly in your argument, as this could strengthen your essay's persuasiveness.
General
Remember to proofread your essay for minor errors in grammar or punctuation, as refining these can polish your writing.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, providing a clear overview and a succinct summary of your argument.
Task Achievement
You successfully included relevant examples to support your main points, enhancing the credibility of your arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion
The logical structure of your essay made it easy to follow your line of reasoning.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • automation
  • domestic help
  • smart home technologies
  • energy-efficient
  • resource depletion
  • over-dependence
  • external services
  • maintenance
  • replacements
  • leisure activities
  • tedious tasks
What to do next:
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