Nowadays, more people move away from their friends and families for work. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
One of the most prevalent trends in the contemporary world is the cumulative increase in moving out to get good employment.
However
, many people argue that moving out to leave friends and families is not a good idea, while
others believe that to have a better career and lifestyle. This
essay will discuss why moving out is better than living with their families and friends.
Firstly
, the main reason is that the less job opportunities in their areas, so they shift to get appointments in big cities. Another factor is peace of mind, if an engineer has a good and secure job, he will be happy and stress-free in his job and he can look after his family in a better way.For example
, in India professionals are moving to Bangalore, which is an IT Hub, where all national and international companies have their base offices.
Secondly
, the primary reason is that people learn new cultures after they shift to these places. They can build relationships between two countries as well as
also
generate business opportunities. In addition
, the other factor is that professionals make good money and enjoy their lifestyles. For instance
, doctors and engineers move to Australia for a better future and send money to their families.
In contrast
, it is understandable and difficult to step outside of their houses and leave friends and family members, with whom they grew up with their childhood memories. Moreover
, they feel alone, and homesick and it becomes difficult for them to mix up in the local culture, but it cannot outweigh on advantages. Additionally
, they need money to buy household things for a new flat.
In conclusion, following the analysis, it is clear that
a better position and good living standard are more important, so employees can make a secure future for themselves and generations. Further
, it is predicted that in the future employees will continue moving out to get better jobs.Submitted by rbtech65 on
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coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical structure of the essay. While your ideas are good, the flow between them could be smoother. Use more transition words to connect sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples and details to support your points. This will make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition and redundancy in your writing. For instance, the phrase 'moving out to leave friends and families' can be streamlined.
task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the essay prompt, providing a balanced discussion on both the advantages and disadvantages of moving away for work.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame your essay well.
task achievement
The examples you provided, such as professionals moving to Bangalore or Australia, help to illustrate your points effectively.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.