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Band 5.5

Some people believe that there should b fixed punishments for each type of crome. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #b #punishments #type #crome #circumstances #crime #motivation #account #punishment
Some individuals are of the opinion that there shouldn't be variations in the punishments
alloted
Correct your spelling
allocated
allotted
 to different kinds of wrongdoings because it could help reduce
crime
 rates.
However
,some believe that the drive towards a
crime
 and its circumstances should be considered when making decisions on the
punishment
 because some
crimes
 are not
commited
Correct your spelling
committed
 intentionally.In my own view,I am of the opinion that different punishments should be awarded to different
crimes
.
To begin
 with,
Although
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
,a Fixed
punishment
 for all kinds of
crimes
 would lead to a reduction in bad acts as individuals get to realise that their wrong acts would not be weighed
according to
 the level of
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 damage.
For instance
,A teenager would not steal goods from a store knowing that he would be given the same
punishment
 as a murderer when caught.
However
,
There
Fix capitalization
there
show examples
 are some
people
 who are victims of circumstances
such
 as getting arrested for being
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a
crime
 scene.So,it would be unfair to put
such
 an individual in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Jail for a year which would equate
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
punishment
 which can be given to
people
 engaging in drug trafficking.
For example
,there are lots of cases where young orphans drink alcohol
a
Change preposition
as a
show examples
result of financial struggles
end
Correct word choice
and end
show examples
 up damaging a community's property,it wouldn't be so nice to punish
such
 an individual the same way a person who is into child trafficking would be dealt with.
Additionally
, I am of the opinion that various
crimes
 should have different punishments to prevent an increase in the number of
People
Fix capitalization
people
show examples
 who would be jailed yearly,making
people
 spend substantial years of their lives in Prisons. In Conclusion,An equal
punishment
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 all types of
crime
 would reduce bad acts drastically.But,it would be unfair in some situations and lead to
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 higher proportion of arrests in a year.
Submitted by bumzyakins on

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task response
Ensure that all parts of the essay prompt have been addressed and provide a balanced discussion of both views.
coherence cohesion
Use clear organization and transition words to improve coherence and cohesion.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary and use more sophisticated language.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to reduce errors and improve clarity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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