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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that there should b fixed punishments for each type of crome. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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Some individuals are of the opinion that there shouldn't be variations in the punishments
alloted
Correct your spelling
allocated
allotted
 to different kinds of wrongdoings because it could help reduce
crime
Use synonyms
 rates.
However
Linking Words
,some believe that the drive towards a
crime
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 and its circumstances should be considered when making decisions on the
punishment
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 because some
crimes
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 are not
commited
Correct your spelling
committed
 intentionally.In my own view,I am of the opinion that different punishments should be awarded to different
crimes
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
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Although
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
,a Fixed
punishment
Use synonyms
 for all kinds of
crimes
Use synonyms
 would lead to a reduction in bad acts as individuals get to realise that their wrong acts would not be weighed
according to
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 the level of
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 damage.
For instance
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,A teenager would not steal goods from a store knowing that he would be given the same
punishment
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 as a murderer when caught.
However
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,
There
Fix capitalization
there
show examples
 are some
people
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 who are victims of circumstances
such
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 as getting arrested for being
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a
crime
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 scene.So,it would be unfair to put
such
Linking Words
 an individual in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Jail for a year which would equate
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
punishment
Use synonyms
 which can be given to
people
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 engaging in drug trafficking.
For example
Linking Words
,there are lots of cases where young orphans drink alcohol
a
Change preposition
as a
show examples
result of financial struggles
end
Correct word choice
and end
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 up damaging a community's property,it wouldn't be so nice to punish
such
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 an individual the same way a person who is into child trafficking would be dealt with.
Additionally
Linking Words
, I am of the opinion that various
crimes
Use synonyms
 should have different punishments to prevent an increase in the number of
Use synonyms
People
Fix capitalization
people
show examples
 who would be jailed yearly,making
people
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 spend substantial years of their lives in Prisons. In Conclusion,An equal
punishment
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 all types of
crime
Use synonyms
 would reduce bad acts drastically.But,it would be unfair in some situations and lead to
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 higher proportion of arrests in a year.

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task response
Ensure that all parts of the essay prompt have been addressed and provide a balanced discussion of both views.
coherence cohesion
Use clear organization and transition words to improve coherence and cohesion.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary and use more sophisticated language.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to reduce errors and improve clarity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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