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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph below shows the number of enquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six-month period in 2011.

The graph below shows the number of enquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six-month period in 2011.
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The graph shows the difference between
three
Correct article usage
the three
show examples
 methods in the number of
inquiries
Use synonyms
 made by tourists in one city during 2011.In general, personal
inquiries
Use synonyms
 witnessed the highest percentage among others, as telephone
inquiries
Use synonyms
 were almost similar to the first method.
On the contrary
Linking Words
,
inquiries
Use synonyms
 via letters or e-mail during that period were relatively the lowest among them all. Looking at the details, January was the lowest of personal
inquiries
Use synonyms
 and gradually began to rise from about 400 to 1900 in June.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there was a steady rise in the number of telephone
inquiries
Use synonyms
 in January from around 900 to 1,600 in June. In terms of the lowest total
inquiries
Use synonyms
, tourists sent their
inquiries
Use synonyms
 via message or email in January 800 and gradually decreased to 400 in June.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words inquiries with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • enquiries
  • Tourist Information Office
  • in person
  • by letter/email
  • by telephone
  • general trend
  • six-month period
  • significant increase
  • steady rise
  • decline
  • peak
  • fluctuations
  • monthly data
  • comparison
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