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Writing Samples
Band 4

Students are becoming more and more reliant on technology. What are some of the problems associated with reliance on computers, and what are some of the possible solutions?

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Technological advancements have become one of the most inevitable aspects of one's life. Nowadays, it is quite impossible to live without it. It
is commonly believes
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is commonly believed
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 that
students
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 are always depending
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on gadget
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gadget
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gadgets
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such
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 as
computer
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computers
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. In my opinion, it is attributed to numerous reasons behind it.
However
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,
this
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 issue can be solved in different ways. Currently, teenagers are widely using
computers
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 not only for
the
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their
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 studies, but for many other activities.
Firstly
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, many of them
purely
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are purely
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 addicted to games through
computers
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.
As a result
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, they are forced to spend more and more
time
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 on
computers
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, which is surely inappropriate for them.
Secondly
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, when the
computers
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coupled
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with
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apply
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internet
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the internet
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, it leads to
investe
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invest
 great amount of
time
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to
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in
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 it.
For instance
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, if there is enough internet and a better system, they could utilise a whole day for login to social media platforms,
such
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 as Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.
On the other hand
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,
computers
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 can be used as a study
methods
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method
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.
On the other hand
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, there
has
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have
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 always been solutions for every
problems
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problem
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.
Initially
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, parents and teachers play a key role
bring
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in bringing
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 up children.
Therefore
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, they should control the pupils from over usage of games.
For example
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, after
students
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 study
time
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,
allocate
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allocating
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 a curtain
time
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 for gaming activities would make a great impact on computer addiction.
Moreover
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, awareness about
the
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apply
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education is
also
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a
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the
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 best method of
prevention
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preventing
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of
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apply
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using plenty of
time
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in
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on
show examples
Add an article
the computer
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computer
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computers
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.
In addition
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 to that, authorities should introduce some
restriction
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restrictions
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 on
the
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apply
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social media platforms, which
helps
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would help
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new
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the new
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generation's
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generation
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 to reduce
its
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their
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 usage. In conclusion,
although
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 there are a number of causes of
students
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 who always depend on
computers
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, the problem can
effectively
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be effectively
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 resolved. I would argue that
,
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apply
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 parents and
government
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the government
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 must take
initiative
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the initiative
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 to reduce the addiction
on
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to
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computers
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 among
students
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, rather they must use these gadgets for studies only. Not for the game or entertainment.

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task response
The essay needs to address all parts of the prompt and provide a clear and comprehensive response to the topic. Make sure to discuss both the problems associated with reliance on computers and the possible solutions.
coherence and cohesion
Overall, the essay demonstrates some coherence and cohesion. However, there are areas that can be improved. The logical structure could be strengthened by organizing the ideas more effectively and providing clearer connections between them. Additionally, the introduction and conclusion could be more effectively developed to provide a stronger overall structure to the essay.
lexical resource
The essay uses a range of vocabulary, but there are instances of inconsistent word choice and repetitive use of certain phrases. To improve the lexical resource, aim to use more varied and precise vocabulary throughout the essay. Additionally, pay attention to word forms and word collocations.
grammatical range
While the essay demonstrates a basic control of grammar, there are several errors that affect the clarity and accuracy of the writing. Review the use of verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structures to improve the grammatical range and accuracy.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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