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Writing Samples
Band 5

Computers are now the basis of the modern world. They should therefore be introduced into classrooms, and their programs used for direct teaching purposes. However, dependence on computers in teaching may carry a certain degree of risk to students. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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It is widely known that
Use synonyms
computer
Correct article usage
the computer
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 has become an essential thing for people in
this
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 modern world,
therefore
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, is supposed to be introduced directly in
school
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.
However
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, there is a doubt that it is likely to have a detrimental effect on
school
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children
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. I tend to think that, in
this
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 technology era we rely too much on
Use synonyms
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 to support our daily tasks and
this
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 essay will discuss more about these two views in the following paragraph. On the one hand, it is generally seen that
computer
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 is
cutting edge
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cutting-edge
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 technology that
have
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has
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 become major tools in order to tackle our daily tasks.
This
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 means that
,
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apply
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 people have a tendency to rely on
this
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 technology and everyone should have at least basic knowledge to operate.
School
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children
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 in my country
for example
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, since it become mandatory to do
exam
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the exam
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 online, the government provide
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computer
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a computer
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 in every
school
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 with a session to learn that subject in order to support those who never operated the tool.
Thus
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, providing learning material and having that subject is really beneficial for them in the long run.
On the other hand
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, there is a consideration that letting
the
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apply
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children
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use
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computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
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 could bring negative effects on their lives mainly health problems.
This
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 is because they spend too much time on screen during class and perhaps still
use
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 it to do an assignment. As a matter of fact, their eyes radiate by and get weakened in front of the screen.
Therefore
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, in my
view
Add a comma
view,
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 even
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this
Correct word choice
though this
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 development has
negative
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a negative
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 side, still can
be mitigate
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be mitigated
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 with simple
rule
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rules
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such
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 as
teach
Wrong verb form
teaching
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 users to
use
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 it
accordingly
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.
To conclude
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, I personally believe that it is
undeniably
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undeniable
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 that
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computer
Correct article usage
the computer
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 is the main source for everyone nowadays.
That is
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 the reason why having
computer
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 class at
school
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 is recommended to though
children
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 operate the tools.
In addition
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, to mitigate any harm caused by
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computer
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computers
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 can done by encouraging them to
use
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according to
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 the schedule.

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task response
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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of the essay by organizing the ideas more effectively.
lexical resource
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grammatical range
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