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Band 3.5

Punishment is a good way to address the behavioural problem in children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#punishment #address #children
Many parents choose
punishment
 for
negative
Correct article usage
the negative
show examples
 behaviours of
kids
. They claim it becomes
effective
Add an article
an effective
show examples
 way of solving problems with them. I strongly believe that sometimes children need a fair
punishment
.
This
 essay will discuss both sides of
this
 topic. To commence with,
punishment
 can be an effective way to address
behavioral
Change the spelling
behavioural
show examples
 problems in children.
Moreover
 with the help of
this
kids
 will understand that if they do something wrong they'll get
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
abuse.
For example
, when my son makes angry me, he knows that he will get some
kinf
Correct your spelling
kind
 of fair
punishments
Fix the agreement mistake
punishment
show examples
.
This
procudure
Correct your spelling
procedure
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to much better behavioral actions.
However
, parents should be very
carefull
Correct your spelling
careful
 when they choose
punishment
. It should not be very heavy and hard for
kids
' age.
secondly
,
punishment
 alone may not effectively
adress
Correct your spelling
address
 the underlying issues causing the behaviour. Fathers and mothers must be very attentive in
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 relationship with
kids
. everything should be taught even from newborn and the first seven years are very important in
child's
Correct article usage
a child's
show examples
 future.
in
Capitalize word
In
show examples
 other words we can consider
this
 foundation of accurate behaviour. in conclusion, it is very hard to grow up
kids
.
thus
 both parents and children should be in healthy
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 with each other.
in addition
, in the
future
Add a comma
future,
show examples
 it will help both of them from
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
sides
Fix the agreement mistake
side
show examples
.
Submitted by arzu.shahbazova1 on

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task response
The essay addresses both sides of the topic, but the arguments and examples provided are not fully developed.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks coherence and cohesion due to unclear progression of ideas and inadequate use of linking words.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary and make better word choices. Also, be mindful of word form and collocations.
grammatical range
Work on improving your sentence structures and grammar accuracy. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and sentence variety.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • address
  • behavioral problems
  • effective
  • fear
  • deter
  • negative behaviors
  • reinforce
  • boundaries
  • consequences
  • last resort
  • fair
  • appropriate
  • positive reinforcement
  • open communication
  • underlying issues
  • root causes
What to do next:
Look at other essays: