The graph below shows the percentage of dependents in 2000 and predicted figures in 2050 in five countries, and also gives the world average.
The graph depicts
dependents
in 2000, valued with
percentage, and it predicts Change preposition
by
amount
in 2050 in five nations and the world average.
Correct article usage
the amount
Overall
, it is predicted that dependents
in almost every country will be increasing by 2050, compared to 2000. As other nations will be
Verb problem
apply
predicted
an increase, only India in 2050, will decline Wrong verb form
predict
on
the percentage of Change preposition
in
dependents
.
Five countries on the charts showed a rise of
Change preposition
in
dependents
, including Indonesia, China, Korea
, and Japan
. The most impressive improvement
are Change the noun form
improvements
Korea
and Change preposition
in Korea
Japan
. Furthermore
, in 2000, Korea
had about 20 % of dependents
, meanwhile
Add a comma
meanwhile,
Japan
had about just over 30 %. Being
forecasted that Wrong verb form
It is
Korea
and Japan
will have dependents
about
just over 40 %. Predicting these nations is similar Change preposition
of
with
Change preposition
to
World
average Correct article usage
the World
that
improving from around 25 % to just over 40 %.
On the other side, the percentage of Correct word choice
apply
dependents
in India will be decreased. Furthermore
, based on prediction
, Correct article usage
the prediction
declining
of Wrong verb form
the decline
dependents
will fall from about 39 % to 32 %. In addition
, Indonesia and China have non-significant improvement
. Both countries will rise just under 10 % between 2000 and 2050.Fix the agreement mistake
improvements
Submitted by ginanjar.yogi.90 on
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "furthermore".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words dependents, korea, japan with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "improvement" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just over" was used 3 times.
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