IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that children should study all subjects at school, while others think they should only study subjects they are good at or find interesting. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #children #study #subjects #school
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Issues related to alternative education are frequently discussed these days.
Although
Linking Words
 some believe that children should
study
Use synonyms
 all
subjects
Use synonyms
 at school, others criticize
this
Linking Words
 and argue that they should only
study
Use synonyms
subjects
Use synonyms
 they are good at or find interesting. In the following paragraphs, both sides of
this
Linking Words
 statement will be discussed. On the one hand, there are a variety of reasons why all
subjects
Use synonyms
 matter for students. The principal reason is that kids may not be confident about what occupation they are going to be in or which subject they have an interest in.
In other words
Linking Words
, they should learn a wide range of
subjects
Use synonyms
 in primary school to prepare themselves for a higher level of education.
For instance
Linking Words
, Most students in Thailand have to
study
Use synonyms
 both mathematics-science programs and language-art programs before grade 10.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some opponents may argue that it is overwhelming knowledge for their kids. The main reason for
this
Linking Words
 view is that many parents think their descendants should focus only on appropriate
subjects
Use synonyms
 that will relate to their lifestyles in the future. To exemplify, There are many alternative schools in Bangkok that have guidance and closely support children's passion since they are young.
This
Linking Words
 means that the kids who graduate from these schools will have an in-depth knowledge than people who are not. All things considered, I am of the opinion that children should only
study
Use synonyms
subjects
Use synonyms
 that are related to them.
However
Linking Words
, because they are still young, both the institution and the family should put them under observation closely.
Submitted by nine318 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
You have discussed both views on the topic, but your opinion is not clearly stated. Make sure to clearly state your position in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is acceptable, but some ideas could be more effectively connected. Consider using transition words and phrases to enhance the coherence of your essay.
lexical resource
Your use of vocabulary is generally appropriate, but try to incorporate more varied and precise vocabulary. This will help to enhance the quality of your writing.
grammatical range
Your use of grammar is generally accurate, but there are a few errors in agreement and verb tense. Review these areas to improve the grammatical range of your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • well-rounded education
  • discover their interests and strengths
  • basic understanding
  • interconnected world
  • higher motivation
  • deeper knowledge
  • mental health
  • reducing unnecessary stress
  • boredom
  • balanced approach
  • successful specialization
  • well-informed perspective
  • solid general education
  • freedom to delve deeper
  • specialized future career path
What to do next:
Look at other essays: