IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The graph below shows unemployment levels in Ireland and the number of people leaving the country between 1988 and 2008.

The graph below shows unemployment levels in Ireland and the number of people leaving the country between 1988 and 2008.
#unemployment #levels #ireland #people #country
The graph illustrates job loss stages in
Ireland
 and the
number
 of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
go
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
 away
the
Change preposition
from the
show examples
 nation over a period
20
Change preposition
of 20
show examples
 years.
It is clear that
while
 the percentage of unemployment declined, the opposite was true for the figure for
people
 leaving the country in
Ireland
. In 1998, the percentage of job loss reached the highest level at 16% in
Ireland
. Over the next 2
years
Add a comma
years,
show examples
 the percentage of joblessness slightly fell by 2%
then
 plummeted to the lowest stage
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 4% in 2000. Undergo a period of slight fluctuations and
afterward
Change the spelling
afterwards
show examples
 increased to 9% in 2007. Looking at the
number
 of
people
 leaving the nation in
Ireland
. In 1998, about 40,000
people
 in
Ireland
 left the country. The figure for
inhabitant
Fix the agreement mistake
inhabitants
show examples
 went away the nation reached a peak
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 80,000
people
. In the subsequent year,
this
number
 plummeted to slightly over 30,000
people
 and
then
 hit the lowest point at 25,000 citizens.
However
,
at the end
 of
this
period
Add a comma
period,
show examples
 the
number
 of migrants increased significantly, with about 50,000
people
 choosing to leave their homeland.
Submitted by anhnguhongmai on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words ireland, number, people with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "plummeted" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: