Celebrities are usually famous for glamour and wealth rather than their achievements. Some say taking them as an example can be dangerous for young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#celebrities #glamour #wealth #achievements #say #people

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Fame is often thought to be the bane of

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apply

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society

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as more

people

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see no need

in doing

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to do

show examples

anything more.Most

people

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believe that

people

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who are renowned for their wealth and splendour,not positive influences are bad role models for the newer

generation

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.In

this

Linking Words

essay, I

would

Wrong verb form

will

show examples

explain why I completely agree that

this

Linking Words

is indeed true. The need for

hardwork

Correct your spelling

hard work

might be overlooked by the youths.More celebrities are choosing to showcase what sells

that is

Linking Words

,glamour and leave out the bits and pieces

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show examples

their success stories and the struggles that have made them who they are.

Such

Linking Words

can be misleading to the younger

generation

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as they gradually embrace the fast way out to everything and ignore the ideas of

dilligence

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diligence

. More

people

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want to be like Kim

kardashian

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Kardashian

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not because she has done anything of impact

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show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

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society

Use synonyms

or influenced anyone

in particular

Linking Words

, but because she sells the good life to them. In summary, children only acknowledge that success has a shortcut.

In addition

Linking Words

,it is believed that possession of wealth and popularity can serve as inspiration to many

people

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. An average person wants to live an extraordinary life and the wealthy and famous population can

infact

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in fact

be the only source of motivation

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for

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many who have lost hope. A

society

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deprived of

such

Linking Words

motivating

Correct article usage

a motivating

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population might be a hopeless one. As much as some presidents have achieved none of them can boast of being inspirational

whereas

Linking Words

Kylie Jenner inspires and influences more youths

that

Correct word choice

than

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she agrees to admit again.

Nonetheless

Linking Words

, influencers are famous because they influence not because they have numerous achievements.

Moreover

Linking Words

, I completely agree that

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generation

Capitalize word

Generation

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Z are put under unnecessitated pressure. Since the the rave of influencing, the lavish lifestyle of the most popular

people

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the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society

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, a lot of young adults fall into

the

Correct article usage

apply

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mental illnesses. It is even a trend to live fake lifestyles to fit into the standards that have been set by stars. More therapists are reporting cases of depression among teenagers

due to

Linking Words

lack

Correct article usage

a lack

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of contentment in their life, more of these are attributed to the undue desire to live like an artist. If we are not careful, more youths

would

Wrong verb form

will

show examples

fall into depression. In conclusion,

this

Linking Words

essay has highlighted the points that even though celebrities motivate and inspire, I absolutely agree they still render the younger

generation

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lazy and hopeless.

Submitted by annodunowo on Tue Oct 31 2023

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task response

Provide a clearer position on whether you agree or disagree with the statement.

coherence cohesion

Organize your essay with clear paragraphs and transition words to improve the coherence and flow.

lexical resource

Expand your range of vocabulary and use more precise and appropriate terms.

grammatical range

Work on sentence structure and grammar to enhance clarity and precision.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

393 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

celebrities
glamour
wealth
achievements
dangerous
young people
idolized
aspire
materialistic
impressionable
personal growth
meaningful
goals
hard work
dedication
intellectual pursuits
positive impact
platform
parents
educators
role models
guiding
inspire
reach their full potential

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Celebrities are usually famous for glamour and wealth rather than their achievements. Some say taking them as an example can be dangerous for young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people believe that young people who commit serious crimes should be punished in the same way as adults . Do you agree or disagree?

Fewer students are studying science at school and university, favouring more computer based subjects instead. Is this a positive or negative development? What are the reasons for this? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some believe that people today have no interest in maintaining the traditional culture of their country or region. Others believe that it is still important to people that we preserve a traditional way of life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that plastic shopping bags should be banned because they contribute to land and sea pollution. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Your local bookshop has invited members of the public to recommend a guest speaker for an upcoming event that will include a series of talks from well-known people.