IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think watching television is bad for children in every way. Others believe it is good for developing children as they grow up. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Television has become an important part of many people's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. Some may consider it a bad source for
children
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 the addiction
Linking Words
whereas
Punctuation problem
, whereas
show examples
 others
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
 it has many benefits based on the knowledge gained
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
from it. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
i'll
Fix capitalization
I'll
show examples
 give my opinion based on the pros and cons of television for
children
Use synonyms
.  TV has been used
since
Change preposition
for
show examples
 years for the purpose of political news, education, entertainment
etc
Punctuation problem
, etc
show examples
. It has many advantages for
child
Use synonyms
 development as it provides programs related to
worlds
Fix the agreement mistake
world
show examples
 history, giving information about the different things around the world
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as various animals, arts
etc
Punctuation problem
, etc
show examples
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 helps them to develop various skills and improves learning abilities. It
also
Linking Words
 provides entertainment for the
children
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 would help them have some relaxing time from
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 daily busy schedule. 
Although
Linking Words
 TV has many advantages for the
child
Use synonyms
's growth and development, it has many disadvantages too. As
long term
Use the right word
long-term
show examples
 use of it
makes
Verb problem
leads to
show examples
 addiction
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 leads to distraction from
rest
Correct article usage
the rest
show examples
 of
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
things
Punctuation problem
things,
show examples
 as they find it a good thing to spend
time
Punctuation problem
time,
show examples
whereas
Linking Words
 it leads to weakening of the bonds with family, friends and physical activities.
kids
Fix capitalization
Kids
show examples
 may not like getting involved in social gatherings and meeting people. Long hours of screen time would have an impact on
Use synonyms
child's
Correct article usage
a child's
show examples
 eyes, mental health and thinking ability. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 it has both good and bad effects on the
child
Use synonyms
's health and development. But it totally depends on the parents
how
Change preposition
on how
show examples
 they allow the
children
Use synonyms
 to use it.

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structure
Plan your essay: start with a short intro that state your view, then have two clear body parts for each side, and finish with a clear ending that states your view.
strategy
Make your position clear early in the writing.
content
Add real and clear examples and show how they prove your point.
grammar
Fix grammar and spelling errors (for example, 'from from', 'worlds history', 'kids').
cohesion
Use short, simple sentences and link ideas with words like and, but, also, because.
strength
The essay talks about both sides and gives an opinion.
strength
An opinion is shared at the end.
strength
It gives ideas on how TV can affect children in life, not just one point.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • educational programs
  • entertainment
  • excessive
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • influence
  • learning opportunities
  • cognitive development
  • language acquisition
  • information overload
  • inappropriate content
  • parental control
  • media literacy
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