IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many think that religion should be taught in schools while others think it should be avoided. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#religion #schools
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In most
of
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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countries, religion is intended as
principal
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a principal
the principal
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 part of life.; But, many people believe
that is
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 not invaluable to consider religion as a part of education;
although
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, religious courses have their own fans in society. Personally, I suppose it is not a good idea to teach youngsters religious
lessons
Use synonyms
. First and foremost, in the face of technology and cultural revolutions
still
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still,
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 religious societies have strong beliefs that every single person has to respect their traditions and ideologies; so, the pious
lessons
Use synonyms
 play a significant role in their education and in some
ways
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ways,
show examples
this
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 could be helpful. A better way of life, criticizing bad
behaviors
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behaviours
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such
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 as telling
lie
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lies
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 or
back biting
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backbiting
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 are things that are able
to
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apply
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be helpful for kids that
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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stem from
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this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 religious
lessons
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.
On the other hand
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, Students
specially
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especially
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 at early ages do not have enough
experiences
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experience
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;
also
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, their view about the world and other complicated phenomena like the existence of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
GOD is too
much
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apply
show examples
limited. So
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
, teaching only a special religion to scholars has the potential to make them fanatic in a way they could not accept other beliefs.
Additionally
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, I admit having
freedom
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the freedom
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 to choose religious beliefs or even being
atheist
Correct article usage
an atheist
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 must be regarded as
human
Add an article
a human
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 right.
To sum up
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, learning religious
lessons
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 and accepting a group of ideas as a supreme part of your thoughts at
early
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an early
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ages
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age
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 is not counted as
good
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a good
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 idea.
Submitted by n97.mortazian on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and follows a logical progression of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Include a concise introduction and conclusion that summarize the main points of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Support general statements with specific examples or evidence.
task achievement
Develop a clear position and provide arguments to support it.
task achievement
Ensure that the essay addresses all aspects of the prompt.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary and more precise word choices.
grammatical range
Use a variety of sentence structures to demonstrate grammatical range.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • religious education
  • multi-faith society
  • values and ethics
  • tolerance
  • diversity
  • religious freedom
  • secular education
  • curriculum
  • worldviews
  • interfaith dialogue
  • religious literacy
  • moral guidance
  • cultural understanding
  • critical thinking
  • respect
  • indoctrination
  • religious beliefs
  • secular state
  • religious extremism
  • academic subject
What to do next:
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