In recent years, there has been growing interest in the relationship between equality and personal achievement. Some people believe that individuals can achieve more in egalitarian societies. Others believe that high levels of personal achievement are possible only if individuals are free to succeed or fail according to their individual merits What is your view of the relationship between equality and personal success.

#years #interest #relationship #equality #achievement #people #individuals #societies #levels #merits #success

Many

people

argue that

people

are likely to achieve more in societies with egalitarian principles

while

others take the view that a certain level of achievement comes

along with

individual merits. In my opinion, I completely concur with the idea that egalitarian societies would support one’s achievements and remain a valid concern about the feasibility only if

people

are free to succeed and fail.

Firstly

, a competing environment can lead to more self-accomplishment, but

this

can even demotivate

people

. When offering individuals a free-wheeling life, they will not be judged and not be restrained in the pathway of anyone's success.

Therefore

, successfully pursuing the goals only happens by their potential

as well as

the advantages they have taken by themselves.

However

, one ,in the long term, can suffer from stress-related illness and even mental breakdown

due to

several obstacles confronted on the way to

succeed

Replace the word

success

show examples

Secondly

, societies with equality among humans would indeed bring about benefits to

people

's development including their academic backgrounds.

People

coming from countries where they share equivalent resources and responsibilities are equally offered a basic academic level.

For instance

, the American

people

, regardless of gender and position, can access free education beginning with kindergarten to higher education. Meanwhile, in an unfair society, an invisible barrier deters

people

from pursuing their objectives because they know that achievements only

favor

Change the spelling

favour

show examples

a privileged background. Each person in an egalitarian society

therefore

is given the same opportunities to succeed.

To conclude

, an egalitarian society would have a certain impact on

people

's academic premise.

Also

, there remain both negative and positive features

Change preposition

for

show examples

those who blend into the free-wheeling life.

Submitted by ieltsamiedu on Tue Oct 31 2023

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coherence cohesion

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task achievement

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lexical resource

Vary your vocabulary and use more precise and specific words to enhance the lexical resource of your essay.

grammatical range

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Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

269 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In the future, nobody will buy printed newspapers or books because they will be able to read everything they want online without paying. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some parents buy their children who they ask for, and allow their children to do whatever they want. Is this a good way to raise children? What consequences could this style of parenting have on children as they get older?

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Some feel that individuals should try to assimilate completely to the country where they live while others feel it is more important to preserve their native culture. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

There are many people who go to live in different countries. To what extent should people be allowed to move freely between countries and live where they choose? What are the benefits and drawbacks of this?