In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #people #population #governments #society

Nowadays,

as a consequence

, technology has served to enhance the population's long-life efficiency. A highly controversial concern revolves around whether an ageing population has become a

government

issue or

Correct word choice

whether a

show examples

larger elderly population could be advantageous for

society

. Personally, I feel that the drawbacks of the elderly

society

outweigh the benefits as

this

essay will discuss its pros and cons in the forthcoming paragraphs. The main advantage of elderly

society

is that they have wisdom and experience which brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to

society

Moreover

, a golden opportunity to start businesses or engage in entrepreneurship for the target who has the potential to use money.

For instance

, the home construction industry has adapted its objective to ageing-friendly constructions.

Furthermore

, many elderly

people

have more time to engage in volunteer activities, which can benefit local communities and organisations.

However

, elderly

society

is a huge problem for the

government

and has many disadvantages. The main drawback is that healthcare services are important for older

people

, leading to higher healthcare costs for governments and individuals.

In addition

, there will be an increasingly smaller number of

people

who are capable of working which can impact welfare systems.

Lastly

, the

government

has to allocate significant funds to guarantee that retired

people

can get financial assistance and the public budget.

To conclude

, there are both advantages and disadvantages involved in elderly

society

and

government

challenges are connected to a wealth of knowledge, a good time for businesses, volunteerism, a high cost of healthcare services, a decreasing workforce and

government

allocation. Whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages depends on various factors, including

government

policies and societal adaptations.

Submitted by chaoweikevin on Tue Oct 31 2023

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task response

Ensure that all aspects of the task are addressed and provide a clear opinion on the topic. Consider including more specific examples to support your ideas.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear structure and is well-organized. However, try to use more cohesive devices to improve the logical flow of the ideas.

lexical resource

Your use of vocabulary is appropriate and demonstrates a good range of words. However, try to incorporate more academic vocabulary to enhance your essay.

grammatical range

Your grammatical range is satisfactory, with only minor errors. Pay attention to sentence structure and ensure that complex sentences are used effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

273 words

7.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

ageing population
benefits
disadvantages
advantages
experience
knowledge
contribution
economy
society
healthcare
youth employment
community
intergenerational support
volunteerism
mentorship
increased demand
pension costs
social welfare systems
workforce
productivity
intergenerational conflict
technological adaptability
dependency
effective
skill development
employment opportunities
intergenerational solidarity
communication
lifelong learning
technological literacy
age-friendly
social policies
infrastructure

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