IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie chart shows the percentage of persons arrested in the five years ending 1994 and the bar chart shows the most recent reasons for arrest

The pie chart shows the percentage of persons arrested in the five years ending 1994 and the bar chart shows the most recent reasons for arrest
#percentage #persons #five #years #bar #arrest
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The pie chart presents the proportion of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 who were in jail from 1989 to 1994 and the bar graph depicts the main reasons that different genders were arrested recently.
Overall
, it
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
can clearly be seen that men were arrested more than
women
 and it was
because
Add the preposition
because of
show examples
 the highest rates of public drinking at the given period. Looking at more details, the number of males
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 much greater than for females. 32% were arrested compared to only 9% for
women
. Turning to the reason for
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 recent
arrest
Fix the agreement mistake
arrests
show examples
, men tend to get arrested because of
drink
Replace the word
drunk
show examples
 driving
than
Correct quantifier usage
more than
show examples
women
, at 26% and 14% respectively. Breach of order, theft, and other
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 were
also
 slightly higher for men,
the
Change preposition
with the
show examples
 percentage
range
Replace the word
ranging
show examples
 from 16% to 19%.
On the other hand
, the number of public drinking
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 noticeably higher in
women
, over 35%. After that, more than 15%
Change preposition
of female
show examples
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
did
Verb problem
apply
show examples
assault
Replace the word
assaulted
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people.
Lastly
, less than 10%
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 reasons
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 uncertainty
why
Change preposition
as to why
show examples
 they
did
Verb problem
committed
show examples
 a crime.
Submitted by semangatbanget.s2 on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words women with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • pie chart
  • percentage
  • arrests
  • bar chart
  • trends
  • age group
  • contrast
  • significance
  • factors
  • societal implications
  • crime
  • economic
  • social factors
  • legal factors
  • preventive measures
  • interventions
  • data analysis
  • demographics
  • reasons for arrest
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