The pie chart shows the percentage of persons arrested in the five years ending 1994 and the bar chart shows the most recent reasons for arrest

#percentage #persons #five #years #bar #arrest

The pie chart presents the proportion of

male

Fix the agreement mistake

males

show examples

and

female

Fix the agreement mistake

females

show examples

who were in jail from 1989 to 1994 and the bar graph depicts the main reasons that different genders were arrested recently.

Overall

, it

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

can clearly be seen that men were arrested more than

women

and it was

because

Add the preposition

because of

show examples

the highest rates of public drinking at the given period. Looking at more details, the number of males

were

Change the verb form

was

show examples

much greater than for females. 32% were arrested compared to only 9% for

women

. Turning to the reason for

most

Correct article usage

the most

show examples

recent

arrest

Fix the agreement mistake

arrests

show examples

, men tend to get arrested because of

drink

Replace the word

drunk

show examples

driving

than

Correct quantifier usage

more than

show examples

women

, at 26% and 14% respectively. Breach of order, theft, and other

reason

Fix the agreement mistake

reasons

show examples

were

also

slightly higher for men,

the

Change preposition

with the

show examples

percentage

range

Replace the word

ranging

show examples

from 16% to 19%.

On the other hand

, the number of public drinking

were

Correct subject-verb agreement

was

show examples

noticeably higher in

women

, over 35%. After that, more than 15%

Change preposition

of female

show examples

female

Fix the agreement mistake

females

show examples

did

Verb problem

apply

show examples

assault

Replace the word

assaulted

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

people.

Lastly

, less than 10%

the

Change preposition

of the

show examples

reasons

was

Change the verb form

were

show examples

uncertainty

why

Change preposition

as to why

show examples

they

did

Verb problem

committed

show examples

a crime.

Submitted by semangatbanget.s2 on Tue Oct 31 2023

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.

Vocabulary: Replace the words women with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.

▼

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
22Grammar mistakes
 

3 paragraphs

166 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

pie chart
percentage
arrests
bar chart
trends
age group
contrast
significance
factors
societal implications
crime
economic
social factors
legal factors
preventive measures
interventions
data analysis
demographics
reasons for arrest

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The pie chart shows the percentage of persons arrested in the five years ending 1994 and the bar chart shows the most recent reasons for arrest

In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

Nowadays, employees do overtime and get more stressed than before. What a the reasons for this? What can employers do to make people's life easier? Explain your point of view with reasons and examples from your knowledge or experience.

Some businesses find that their new employees lack basic interpersonal skills such as cooperative skills. What are the causes? Suggest possible solutions.

People living in the 21st century have a better quality of life than the previous centuries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.