Some individuals argue that children should always need the advice given by their parents,while others believe that children should make decisions independently.Discuss both views and give your own opinion
There is a strong bond between
children
and their parents
.However
,it is argued that children
should always obey the advice given by their parents
or children
should make their own decisions
independently.I will discuss both these notions and mention my conclusion lateron
.
On the one hand,Correct your spelling
later on
Children
can accept the
advice from their belongers.Because Correct article usage
apply
parents
are matured
enough to provide guidance to their kids.Replace the word
mature
Children
have lack
of experiences in their Correct article usage
a lack
life
.Fix the agreement mistake
lives
Therefore
,it is difficult to take
Correct your spelling
make
decisions
independently.In fact,in Sri lanka
Change the capitalization
Lanka
Lankan
children
are below 18 years old.Therefore
,they are belong
to their Change the verb form
belong
parents
.Parents
are the people who feed and provide everything to their children
.Hence
,Children
should always obey the decisions
given by their gurdians
.
Correct your spelling
guardians
On the other hand
,there are a lot of benefits by
being independent to Change preposition
to
children
.They can improve their leadership skills,personality
and decision making
ability by being independent.Add a hyphen
decision-making
Researches
Fix the agreement mistake
Research
have
proved that Correct subject-verb agreement
has
children
who are taking
Correct your spelling
making
decisions
grow their personality
faster than who
are not Correct pronoun usage
those who
taking
.Correct your spelling
making
Moreover
,parents
should allow they
Correct pronoun usage
their
children
to take
Correct your spelling
make
decisions
other than that,parents
can guide their children
to improve their personality
to make Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
decisions
.
In conclusion,I would like to say that, children
should make decisions
independently.I think it will increase their personality
by providing lots of advantages.However
,it will depend upon the mindsets of the people that
which view they are in favour of.Correct word choice
and
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Task Response
Ensure that you clearly address both views in your essay. It seems like you primarily focused on arguing for children making decisions independently. Be sure to present and discuss the opposing view as well.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your logical structure is generally effective, but be careful with organization within paragraphs. Work on creating smoother transitions between ideas.
Lexical Resource
Your choice of vocabulary is generally appropriate, but aim to diversify your word choice and use more academic or formal language.
Grammatical Range
Your sentence structures are mostly accurate, but pay attention to subject-verb agreement and tense consistency. Try to vary your sentence structures for a more sophisticated writing style.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite