IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some individuals argue that children should always need the advice given by their parents,while others believe that children should make decisions independently.Discuss both views and give your own opinion

There is a strong bond between
children
Use synonyms
 and their
parents
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,it is argued that
children
Use synonyms
 should always obey the advice given by their
parents
Use synonyms
 or
children
Use synonyms
 should make their own
decisions
Use synonyms
 independently.I will discuss both these notions and mention my conclusion
lateron
Correct your spelling
later on
. On the one hand,
Children
Use synonyms
 can accept
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
advice from their belongers.Because
parents
Use synonyms
 are
matured
Replace the word
mature
show examples
 enough to provide guidance to their kids.
Children
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 have
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of experiences in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
,it is difficult to
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
decisions
Use synonyms
 independently.In fact,in Sri
lanka
Change the capitalization
Lanka
Lankan
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 are below 18 years old.
Therefore
Linking Words
,they
are belong
Change the verb form
belong
show examples
 to their
parents
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.
Parents
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 are the people who feed and provide everything to their
children
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.
Hence
Linking Words
,
Children
Use synonyms
 should always obey the
decisions
Use synonyms
 given by their
gurdians
Correct your spelling
guardians
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,there are a lot of benefits
by
Change preposition
to
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 being independent to
children
Use synonyms
.They can improve their leadership skills,
personality
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 and
decision making
Add a hyphen
decision-making
show examples
 ability by being independent.
Researches
Fix the agreement mistake
Research
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 proved that
children
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 who are
taking
Correct your spelling
making
show examples
decisions
Use synonyms
 grow their
personality
Use synonyms
 faster than
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
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 are not
taking
Correct your spelling
making
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 should allow
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 to
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
decisions
Use synonyms
 other than that,
parents
Use synonyms
 can guide their
children
Use synonyms
 to improve their
Use synonyms
personality
Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
show examples
 to make
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
decisions
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,I would like to say that,
children
Use synonyms
 should make
decisions
Use synonyms
 independently.I think it will increase their
personality
Use synonyms
 by providing lots of advantages.
However
Linking Words
,it will depend upon the mindsets of the people
that
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 which view they are in favour of.

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Task Response
Ensure that you clearly address both views in your essay. It seems like you primarily focused on arguing for children making decisions independently. Be sure to present and discuss the opposing view as well.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your logical structure is generally effective, but be careful with organization within paragraphs. Work on creating smoother transitions between ideas.
Lexical Resource
Your choice of vocabulary is generally appropriate, but aim to diversify your word choice and use more academic or formal language.
Grammatical Range
Your sentence structures are mostly accurate, but pay attention to subject-verb agreement and tense consistency. Try to vary your sentence structures for a more sophisticated writing style.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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