Staying in full time education is necessary until they are 18-year-old. Agree/ disagree?

Owing to increasing competition and opportunities
among
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apply
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in different areas, it is societal pressure and a necessity to get compulsory
education
.
Moreover
, it is believed that
full
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full-time
show examples
time
education
has become essential for youngsters till the age of 18 years. I strongly agree that
full
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full-time
show examples
time
education
should be considered
as
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apply
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compulsory to ensure child success and growth.
Firstly
,
Correct article usage
the full
show examples
full
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full-time
show examples
time
education
of young students would provide a road map to
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
get the desired career goal.
In other words
, it will help children to decide which
field
they would prefer to choose based on the knowledge gained from textbooks and learning from other’s practical exposure.
For instance
,
A
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apply
show examples
German Research indicates that 60% of the students pre-decided to do their intermediate in
commerce
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the commerce
show examples
field
as they already preferred to enter
in
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apply
show examples
the
field
of accountancy.
In addition
to
this
,
Full
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Full-time
show examples
time
education
is
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
for every individual regardless of their desired profession.
Full
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Full-time
show examples
time
education
gives a basic idea and understanding of all the compulsory subjects like Maths, English, computer and
other
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others
show examples
are
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that are
show examples
necessary for an individual to learn in their life.
For example
, A data scientist requires a good knowledge of all the physics and
computer related
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computer-related
show examples
concepts and formulas in order to better comprehend
in
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apply
show examples
the
field
. In conclusion,
Full
Add a hyphen
Full-time
show examples
time
education
is immensely important for young people till the age of 18 years as it helps the students to decide about a clear career path and
also
basic
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the basic
a basic
show examples
understanding of all the compulsory subjects.
Submitted by ieltsexpert185 on

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Your opinion

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