IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

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It is believed that snacks and soft drinks produced contain a huge amount of
sugar
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, making individuals suffer some health issues.
While
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 I believe that increasing the price of these
products
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 will partly stop
people
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 from consuming more
sugar
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, I would argue that there are other feasible solutions to help
people
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 intake less
sugar
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. On the one hand, it is valid that making sugary
products
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 more expensive will discourage
people
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 from purchasing because
of
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for
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 two reasons.
Firstly
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, as the intake of a significant amount of
sugar
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 into the human body will cause
human
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the human
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 heart to beat faster than normal,
this
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 is likely to have severe impacts on
people
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's health.
As a consequence
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, imposing a high tax on sugary
products
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 can make those
products
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 less appealing to consumers.
Secondly
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, because snacks or soft drinks
such
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 as caramelised popcorn or Coke are relatively affordable, consumers tend to purchase these as a way to serve their recreational purposes.
Therefore
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, national leaders should increase higher taxes on those
products
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.
On the other hand
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, a range of viable approaches can be taken to minimise the high intake of
sugar
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. The first and immediate action is that since youngsters are the main customers of sugary
products
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, educators
such
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 as teachers should raise students' awareness of how disadvantageous these are, and
also
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 promote the importance of outdoor activities. In
this
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 way, the youth are likely to digest less
sugar
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products
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 in general. The second remedy is that since scientists have invented
sugar
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 alternatives
such
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 as sweeteners, increasing the price of sugary
products
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 seems not effective anymore.
For example
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, Coca-Cola company has introduced Coke Zero or Diet Coke which contains less or zero levels of
sugar
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. In conclusion, It is true that the increase in the price of
products
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 containing high levels of
sugar
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 will lead to less consumption.
However
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, there are the aforementioned solutions that can tackle the issue.

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task response
coherence cohesion
lexical resource
grammatical range
Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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