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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many cities an increasing number of people don't know their neighbors and they seems no longer develop any sense of community. 1 analysis the main reasons 2 what measures can be taken to improve this?

In the present era, there is no doubt that
people
Use synonyms
Correct pronoun usage
who are
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are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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not familiar with their
Use synonyms
neighbors
Change the spelling
neighbours
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has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 become quite common. As it were,
people
Use synonyms
 lack a sense of community. In
this
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 essay, I intend to discuss the problems associated with
this
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 trend
along with
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 a solution in the subsequent paragraphs.
To begin
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 with, there are several reasons why
people
Use synonyms
 feel alienated from
Use synonyms
Correct pronoun usage
their neighbors
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neighbors
Change the spelling
neighbours
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. The prime reason is that
people
Use synonyms
 are more and more busy, and they do not have redundant time and energy to communicate with their
neighbors
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.
In other words
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,
people
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 are busy during the day, and they get off work very late,
thus
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 they have no opportunities to meet with
Use synonyms
neighbors
Change the spelling
neighbours
show examples
.
In addition
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, with the development of technology, there are a lot of things that do not need help from
Use synonyms
neighbors
Change the spelling
neighbours
show examples
.
For instance
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, if objects are broken in their household, they are likely to watch some videos about repairing and read experience articles on the internet.
Therefore
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, they do not ask their
Use synonyms
neighbors
Change the spelling
neighbours
show examples
 for help.
Nevertheless
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,
this
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 phenomenon causes
people
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 to have
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
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 chances to talk to their
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neighbors
Change the spelling
neighbours
show examples
. To tackle
this
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 problem, it is of great significance that governments are supposed to construct public facilities,
such
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 as gardens, swimming pools and cafes. Public facilities are
the
Correct article usage
apply
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crucial venues where
people
Use synonyms
 share their
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
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 of life and develop community activities. As far as I am concerned, it is conducive to
foster
Wrong verb form
fostering
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 a sense of community. In conclusion, the busy lifestyle and the development of technology are the main obstacles
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
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 phenomenon. Only when the government pays more attention to communities, can
this
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 problem be solved.

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task response
Clearly address all parts of the question and provide a balanced and comprehensive response. Make sure to fully develop your ideas and support them with evidence or examples.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical structure throughout the essay, including an introduction and conclusion. Connect your ideas coherently using appropriate transitions.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary and use more precise and varied word choices. Use appropriate academic and formal language.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammatical accuracy. Use a variety of sentence structures and avoid repetitive phrasing or errors.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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