The graph shows average annual expenditures on cell phone and residential phone services between 2001 and 2010.

The graph shows average annual expenditures on cell phone and residential phone services between 2001 and 2010.
The bar chart illustrates the average yearly expense
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
mobile
phone
services
and
landline
phone
services
during the period of 2001 to 2010.
Overall
, during the earlier years of the study
landline
phone
services
controlled the market for communication
services
, but with the evolution of technology during later years, cell
phone
services
became the preferred communication service. Starting in the
year
2001,
landline
phone
services
were at their all-time high averaging around 700
dollars
per
year
,
in
contrast
Add a comma
contrast,
show examples
cell
phone
services
faced their lowest expenditure circling at around 200
dollars
the before mentioned
year
. During the upcoming years, until 2010 residential
phone
services
investment saw a steady decline losing around 50 to 100
dollars
per
year
until it reached around 400
dollars
expended in their communication service.
Consequently
, as residential
phone
services
saw a steady decline, the demand for mobile
phone
services
saw a drastic increase up until the
year
2010
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
it peaked at almost 800
dollars
during that
year
, surpassing
landline
phones
Change noun form
phones'
phone's
show examples
highest
Add an article
a highest
show examples
invested
year
. It is worth mentioning that 2006 was a crucial
year
for mobile
phone
services
, as it was the
year
where they surpassed the amount of money invested in their service compared
while
Change preposition
to
show examples
residential
phone
services
decreased.
Submitted by f.leyton.a on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Vocabulary: Replace the words phone, services, landline, year, dollars with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • annual expenditures
  • cell phone services
  • residential phone services
  • steady increase
  • steady decrease
  • comparison
  • milestones
  • technological advancements
  • trends
  • speculating
  • paraphrasing
  • overview
  • notable changes
What to do next:
Look at other essays: