IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Should education and healthcare be free of charge and funded by the government, or should it be the responsibility of the people to pay for these services?

#education #healthcare #charge #government #responsibility #people #services
It is irrefutable that a country’s growth largely depends on how educated and healthy its citizens are. The burgeoning population and the lack of funds often make it harder for the authorities to bear the expenses of their needs, especially in
education
, housing and treatment. I believe that an effective solution would be to divide the expenditures between the
government
 and the individuals.
To begin
 with,
education
, nowadays, plays a vital role in the development of a society. Not only
it
Add a missing verb
does it
show examples
 create job opportunities, but
also
 helps people become aware of the socio-economic issues of the country. Making
education
 free till the age of 18 would encourage the pupils to finish at least their secondary
education
.
For instance
, the percentage of student enrollment in schools in 2011 in my country increased by 19% than that of 2009, and it was because the
government
 exempted fees for students in these classes.
Moreover
, the healthcare system can
also
 be improved by providing either health insurance or schemes that cover a minimum of 50 per cent of the cost.
Thus
 people would not feel that healthcare is expensive and the
government
 would not need to bear the expenses alone. A healthier nation can help the country achieve greater heights as citizens in
such
 countries are more productive.
Consequently
, economic growth will be bolstered and the
government
 will be able to become self-reliant.
To conclude
, with the implementation of the said measures there would be no burden on either the
government
 or individuals. Both the
government
 and individuals can go hand in hand to cope with
this
 and build an enlightened and healthy nation.
Submitted by devika.mohanan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical flow of ideas throughout the essay.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary and use a wider range of vocabulary.
grammatical range
Work on improving your sentence structure and grammar.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • equity
  • social justice
  • economic benefits
  • productive workforce
  • quality of life
  • social mobility
  • personal responsibility
  • overuse
  • inefficiencies
  • feasibility
  • implementation challenges
  • sustainable funding
What to do next:
Look at other essays: