In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an aging population creates problems for the government. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an aging population outweigh the disadvantages?

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Nowadays, the number of old

people

Use synonyms

is increasing dramatically. Some individuals argue that

this

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phenomenon might be able to make issues for the authorities.

However

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, there is a more persuasive argument that having a number of old

generations

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has benefits.

This

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is because old

people

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are able to help young

generations

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mentally and physically. On the one hand, it is evident that because of an

aging

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ageing

show examples

population, governments have hectic schedules. In fact, there are a lot of problems that

the

Correct article usage

apply

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governments have to deal with in our modern society.

However

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, they are more likely to have responsibilities to take care of the elderly, especially

for

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apply

show examples

those who do not have family.

For example

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, the government in South Korea reported that they have struggled with supporting older

generations

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mentally and financially.

This

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means

overpopulations

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overpopulation

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of old

people

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have

Correct subject-verb agreement

has

show examples

caused serious problems for the governments.

Nevertheless

Linking Words

, there is a more persuasive opinion that old

people

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are able to play a pivotal role in each family in many ways.

Firstly

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old

Fix the agreement mistake

older

show examples

generations

Use synonyms

are more likely to have rich experiences. So, they can give informative advice to their kids and grandchildren. To cite an example, when I was young, I

had

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

lived

Change preposition

with

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my grandparents. At the time, they used to share useful stories with our family. It was beneficial for our family to overcome difficulties.

Moreover

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, some old

people

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can assist

childcare

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in childcare

show examples

for their grandkids. These days, since numerous parents are working together, they need babysitters for their kids. In

this

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situation, old individuals can be willing to take care of their grandchildren.

To sum up

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while

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some

people

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insist that the authorities are having difficulties because of a great number of old

people

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, it is more significant for us to have an

aging

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ageing

show examples

population since they are able to support young

people

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by giving advice and childcare.

lym1049Wed Nov 01 2023

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task achievement

Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.

coherence cohesion

Ensure a clear and logical structure in each paragraph.

lexical resource

Expand your range of vocabulary and use more precise and varied words.

grammatical range

Pay attention to sentence structures and grammar usage. Use a variety of sentence types and avoid repetitive sentence structures.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

Introduction
Body paragraph 1 – Problems
Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

One of the first problems of the...
Another problem that needs to be considered...
A possible solution to this problem would be...
One immediate practical solution is to...

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

7.5

Introduction & conclusion present

6.5

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.5

7.5

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

6.5

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

306 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Ageing population
Pension systems
Healthcare demand
Workforce demographics
Life expectancy
Economic productivity
Intergenerational relationships
Cultural heritage
Social services
Government spending
Skills gap
Public services
Cultural enrichment
Seniority advantage
Elder care
Demographic shift

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