Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Opinions differ on whether individuals should compete or cooperate on a daily basis has left many debates.
While
some people
argue that rivalry is a nice idea, I side with those who feel that cooperating with others is more essential.
On the one hand, It could be argued that competition
encourages positive change in many aspects of people
’s lives. Firstly
, it can help them to transcend their capabilities which is probably useful for their success. For instance
, people
who participate in a competition
usually feel that they can’t be stagnant at the same level which means that it can probably motivate them to do better. As a result
, it might lead them to have better performance and become highly motivated people
. Secondly
, the rivalry could potentially invent new breakthroughs and innovations from the positive outcome that comes from the competition
itself. To illustrate, hackathon competitions, one of the most popular competitions in computer science fields, have developed many useful projects for various fields in society, including science, medicine, education, and more. Thus
, considering participating in a competition
can be a good option.
On the other hand
, I agree with those who feel that collaboration is better than competition
. Firstly
, collaboration can help to build a harmonious life because it encourages bonding and creates strong relationships with others. By achieving a harmonious life, they can help themself to be less stressed and also
protect their mental health. Furthermore
, collaboration also
can help to reduce inequality in society. To illustrate, having equality in a community can allow people
to have the same benefits and opportunities, which can consequently
reduce inequity in the community.
In conclusion, while
competition
can help individuals not only to surpass their potential but also
to emerge breakthroughs and new innovations, it can bring people
to become individualists. Therefore
, I remain firmly convinced that competition
with each other should be minimised and done only for special purposes.aSubmitted by karelrenaldi8 on
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coherence cohesion
Introduce clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to make your main points even clearer to the reader.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your conclusion directly addresses both sides discussed in the essay to improve coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
Although your response is comprehensive, ensuring every idea directly links back to the essay prompt would enhance task achievement.
task achievement
You provided relevant and specific examples, such as hackathon competitions, to support your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion expressing your opinion.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear and comprehensive, which helps in conveying your arguments effectively.