Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Opinions differ on whether individuals should compete or cooperate on a daily basis has left many debates.

While

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some

people

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argue that rivalry is a nice idea, I side with those who feel that cooperating with others is more essential. On the one hand, It could be argued that

competition

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encourages positive change in many aspects of

people

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’s lives.

Firstly

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, it can help them to transcend their capabilities which is probably useful for their success.

For instance

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people

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who participate in a

competition

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usually feel that they can’t be stagnant at the same level which means that it can probably motivate them to do better.

As a result

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, it might lead them to have better performance and become highly motivated

people

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Secondly

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, the rivalry could potentially invent new breakthroughs and innovations from the positive outcome that comes from the

competition

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itself. To illustrate, hackathon competitions, one of the most popular competitions in computer science fields, have developed many useful projects for various fields in society, including science, medicine, education, and more.

Thus

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, considering participating in a

competition

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can be a good option.

On the other hand

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, I agree with those who feel that collaboration is better than

competition

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Firstly

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, collaboration can help to build a harmonious life because it encourages bonding and creates strong relationships with others. By achieving a harmonious life, they can help themself to be less stressed and

also

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protect their mental health.

Furthermore

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, collaboration

also

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can help to reduce inequality in society. To illustrate, having equality in a community can allow

people

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to have the same benefits and opportunities, which can

consequently

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reduce inequity in the community. In conclusion,

while

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competition

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can help individuals not only to surpass their potential but

also

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to emerge breakthroughs and new innovations, it can bring

people

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to become individualists.

Therefore

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, I remain firmly convinced that

competition

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with each other should be minimised and done only for special purposes.a

karelrenaldi8Thu Jul 18 2024

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coherence cohesion

Introduce clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to make your main points even clearer to the reader.

coherence cohesion

Ensure your conclusion directly addresses both sides discussed in the essay to improve coherence and cohesion.

task achievement

Although your response is comprehensive, ensuring every idea directly links back to the essay prompt would enhance task achievement.

task achievement

You provided relevant and specific examples, such as hackathon competitions, to support your points.

coherence cohesion

The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion expressing your opinion.

task achievement

Your ideas are clear and comprehensive, which helps in conveying your arguments effectively.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

6.5

Logical structure

6.5

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

318 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

innovation
productivity
excel
outperform
advancements
academic standards
work ethic
stress
anxiety
unhealthy rivalries
harmonious
supportive
collaborative learning
social skills
communication skills
sense of community
collective goals

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