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Band 4

Here is the number of Tourist Visiting X Country in 2019 and 2020. also the data for annual income in various Businesses in X Country in 2007 and 2008

#tourist #x #country #data #income #businesses
The bar chart illustrates the
number
 of
visitors
 that took vacation in
X
country
 in 2007 and 2008,
while
 the table provides the data about income of
X
Country
 each year between 2019 and 2020.
Overall
, the
number
 of
visitors
 from all countries collapsed, especially from the USA and Canada. All forms of industries
also
 dropped with
hotel
Fix the agreement mistake
hotels
show examples
 and
resort
Fix the agreement mistake
resorts
show examples
got
Verb problem
experiencing
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 the most
visibly
Change the adverb
visible
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 fluctuation through the year. In 2007, the average
number
 of
visitors
 in
X
country
 from around the world
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 considerably similar to one another, with nearly 3000
visitors
 from China, Japan and Australia, followed by Europe, USA and Canada with a little more than 2000
visitors
. By 2008, both countries had dropped dramatically to 1000
visitors
.
On the contrary
, China and Japan, who got the highest
number
 the previous year, fell slightly, around 2000
visitors
. In the same
way
Add a comma
way,
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 Australia slid down mildly with around 2750
visitors
. Turning to
X
country
 annual salary from different industries, during 2019 Hotel & Resorts noticeably got the highest
number
 among the other industries, with 3.5 million. Followed by Restaurant & Bar shop (2.4
mil
) Transportation and Travel (1.3
mil
) and Tour Guides (1.4
mil
). By 2020,
Hotel
Fix the agreement mistake
Hotels
show examples
 &
resorts
Correct word choice
and resorts
show examples
 had reached only 0.5
mil
, dining options had halved to 1.2
mil
, and transportation had fallen to 0.4
mil
. Tour guides had slightly decreased to 1.1
mil
Submitted by andini23 on

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coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is generally good, with clear introduction and conclusion. However, the main points could have been more supported with additional evidence or examples.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the task by describing the information from the bar chart and table. The ideas are clear and comprehensive, supported by relevant examples.
lexical resource
Overall, the vocabulary used in the essay is appropriate and varied. However, there is room for improvement in terms of using more specific and precise language.
grammatical range
The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures. However, there are some errors in sentence structure and word choice that can be improved upon.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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