IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe it's the responsibility of the government to take care of its peoples health . Others believe individuals should take care of themselves. Give views of both and your opinion

#people #responsibility #government #care #peoples #health #individuals
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In
this
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 day and
age
Add a comma
age,
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 human beings have
devided
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divided
devised
 their
opinoins
Correct your spelling
opinions
opinion
 regarding the responsibility of the government to provide free healthcare.
Nevertheless
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, some individuals believe that people have to be obliged to check their
health
Use synonyms
 conditions by themself. I will elucidate both standpoints in expanded detail and provide my personal opinion. First and foremost, in a majority of the
devoleped
Correct your spelling
developed
 countries it is
universal
Correct article usage
a universal
show examples
practise
Replace the word
practice
show examples
 to have free
health
Use synonyms
 facilities.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, it has a huge welcomed effect, but, it will provoke authorities to increase taxes without increasing the
saleries
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salaries
calories
. To be more precise, all
spendings
Fix the agreement mistake
spending
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 should be covered without a considerable change in
a
Correct article usage
the
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 public purse,
therefore
Linking Words
, people should acquire for how it is called "Free
Health
Use synonyms
Ensurance
Correct your spelling
Insurance
".
In the
Change preposition
The
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 way of illustration, in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 citizens have to provide
the
Correct article usage
a
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 percentage
from
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of
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 their wages or
appropriate
Correct article usage
an appropriate
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 fee,
however
Linking Words
, some barren societies have to tradeoff.
In
Change preposition
As
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 a consequence, provided free
health
Use synonyms
 checks are
excessibly
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excessively
accessibly
 profitable
especially
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, especially
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 for mature people.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least, in less evolved countries it is unlikely to
beceme
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become
 true
due to
Linking Words
 drawbacks in
economy
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the economy
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.
Furthermore
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, for passport holders of
such
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countries
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countries,
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 it may be convenient to do everything by
self
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
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, rather
Linking Words
then
Replace the word
than
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 paying
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
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 amount of money.
For instance
Linking Words
, in
Correct article usage
a megapolis
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megapolis
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megapolis,
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 it is
conventional
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a conventional
the conventional
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 situation to have an appointment
for
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with
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 a doctor, who
,
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apply
show examples
 needs to write
recipe
Add an article
a recipe
the recipe
show examples
 for getting medicine.
In
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Hence
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hence
Linking Words
,
Correct article usage
a states
show examples
states
Change the noun form
state
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 care system can be conducted not in every country,
In addition
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,
citezens
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citizens
 without
such
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 kind of system will have
less
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fewer
show examples
 taxes and reduced
strees
Correct your spelling
stress
while
Linking Words
 dealing with doctors. From my repercussion, there are more pros of free checks than cons,
due to
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,
this
Linking Words
 mind-bender system, where everything
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 to be prescribed.
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that the ideas within each paragraph are clearly connected.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and supporting details to strengthen your arguments.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to showcase your language skills.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to improve clarity and coherence.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • government responsibility
  • access to healthcare
  • health equality
  • public health policies
  • individual responsibility
  • self-care
  • healthy habits
  • personal autonomy
  • accountability
  • burden on the healthcare system
  • balancing
  • intervention
What to do next:
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