IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Millions of dollars are spent on spare research every year. Some people argue that the money should be spent on improving living standards on Earth. Do you agree or disagree?

#millions #dollars #research #year #people #money #standards #earth
Every year, it can be seen that a large amount of
money
 is spent on
space
 research. A lot of
people
 think that the
money
 should be used to improve the standards of living for residents. In my point of view, I think the government should use the
money
 to discover
space
. First of all, I personally say that the
money
 of the government should be spent on
space
 research because the universe outside of our
Earth
 is a huge place and
humans
 do not explore all about it.
However
, we can find another planet for
humans
 to live
due to
Earth
. Recently, the percentage of
people
are
Correct pronoun usage
who are
show examples
borned
Correct your spelling
born
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 is more and more.
However
, there is no longer enough
space
 for
people
 to live.
Secondly
, because of the bad
environment
,
Earth
's ozone layer is in a state of emergency. I think
humans
 can live on
Earth
 for about 30-35 years
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
. Our life is developing so much, there is a
lots
Change the noun form
lot
show examples
 of factories now, and
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 emission of these factories will exhaust the
environment
.
Humans
 nowadays do not have awareness, they always through trash into the river. The global warming made
a lots
Correct the article-noun agreement
a lot
lots
show examples
 of forests become burnt. It has a variety of negative
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
 on the
environment
, making the
environment
 turn into more badly.
To conclude
, if
people
 do not know how to save the
environment
as well as
 our
Earth
. I guess that the government see that situation and they are worried about the future of
people
 so they have to spend a huge amount of
money
 to discover
space
, to find
people
 another planet similar to
Earth
 for
people
 to emigrate to in the near future.

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introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion of the essay are missing. It is important to provide a clear introduction that introduces the topic and presents your opinion. Additionally, the essay should be concluded with a summary of the main points discussed.
logical structure
The essay lacks a clear logical structure. It is important to organize your ideas in a coherent and cohesive manner, with each paragraph focusing on a specific point or aspect of the topic. Consider using paragraphs to address each main idea and providing clear topic sentences.
relevant specific examples
The essay lacks specific and relevant examples to support the main points. Consider providing examples or evidence that illustrate the points you are making. This will make your arguments more convincing and enhance the overall quality of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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