It is expected that there will be a higher proportion of old people than young people in the future in some countries. Do you think it is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#proportion #people #future #countries #development

Nowadays some countries have

large

Add an article

a large

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portion of older people than

yonger

Correct your spelling

younger

ones and

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show examples

agree with that point because of the

economy

Replace the word

economic

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develpement

Correct your spelling

development

and financial crisis it is hard to manage

large

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a large

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family. first of all, in the current generation parents don't have

idea

Correct quantifier usage

any idea

show examples

about

big

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a big

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family because

their

Change preposition

of their

show examples

children

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children's

show examples

expences

Correct your spelling

expenses

show examples

.Technology developed so we need more money to afford those things like education,shopping and daily needs .compare to the

old

Fix the agreement mistake

older

show examples

generation like twenty to thirty years ago parents did not

Add a missing verb

have so

show examples

much money for schooling so that will be easy to handle family.

Secondly

children

faces loneliness in their home because they don't have

partner

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a partner

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to play

and

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with and

show examples

sharring

Correct your spelling

their ideas

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

Correct pronoun usage

which

show examples

will lead to social media attention.Previously ,

mostly

Correct your spelling

most

show examples

children

spend

Wrong verb form

spent

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a lot of time

for

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apply

show examples

playing outside but

currently

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currently,

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youngesters

Correct your spelling

youngsters

are not ready

with playing

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to play

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outside.So current

childrens

Correct your spelling

children

children's

missing their family band like sister and brother love.

Example

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For example

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, in

singapore

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Singapore

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one article shared

Correct article usage

a 20

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percetage

Correct your spelling

percentage

Correct article usage

the elder

show examples

elder

Fix the agreement mistake

elders

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ratio

high

Add a missing verb

is high

show examples

compare

Wrong verb form

compared

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to the

youngesters

Correct your spelling

youngsters

. conclusion it is

negative

Correct article usage

a negative

show examples

developement

Correct your spelling

development

for

yongesters

Correct your spelling

youngsters

and it will create stress

Change preposition

show examples

children

Change noun form

children's

show examples

mental health.

however

Capitalize word

However

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

some

country

Fix the agreement mistake

countries

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need to reduce

population

Add an article

the population

show examples

for their

economy

Replace the word

economic

show examples

development.

Submitted by keyarthi on Wed Nov 01 2023

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task response

Your essay does not fully address the prompt. While you mention that some countries have a higher proportion of older people than younger ones, you do not clearly state whether you think this is a positive or negative development. Make sure to clearly state your position in the introduction.

coherence cohesion

Your essay lacks a clear logical structure. Make sure to present your ideas in a coherent and organized manner, with each paragraph focusing on a specific point. Use topic sentences to clearly introduce the main idea of each paragraph.

lexical resource

You need to work on expanding your vocabulary and using a wider range of lexical resources. Try to use more varied and precise vocabulary to express your ideas. Consider using synonyms, idiomatic expressions, and collocations.

grammatical range

There are several grammatical errors throughout your essay. Make sure to proofread your work and pay attention to verb tense consistency, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structures.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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2Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
44Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

191 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

proportion
life expectancy
experience
wisdom
strain
healthcare
pension systems
workforce productivity
intergenerational
learning
connection

What to do next:

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It is expected that there will be a higher proportion of old people than young people in the future in some countries. Do you think it is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Robots and artificial intelligence are being developed ro replace humans in the workplace. Why this happening? Do you think this will have a positive or negative impact on society?

Some people say that social media is a digital drug that has left many people addicted enhanced their lots of valuable time while others say social media has Enable Connectivity with the world. Discuss both views and give your opinion on the topic.

The increase in production and consumption of meat has resulted in the destruction of the natural environment. What is the cause?What can be done to solve the problem?

Some people say that the government should pay for the public healthcare and education while others say it is not the governments responsibility do you agree or disagree?