It is expected that there will be a higher proportion of old people than young people in the future in some countries. Do you think it is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Nowadays some countries have
large
portion of older people than Add an article
a large
yonger
ones and Correct your spelling
younger
i
agree with that point because of the Change the capitalization
I
economy
Replace the word
economic
develpement
and financial crisis it is hard to manage Correct your spelling
development
large
family.
first of all, in the current generation parents don't have Add an article
a large
idea
about Correct quantifier usage
any idea
big
family because Correct article usage
a big
their
Change preposition
of their
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
expences
.Technology developed so we need more money to afford those things like education,shopping and daily needs .compare to the Correct your spelling
expenses
old
generation like twenty to thirty years ago parents did not Fix the agreement mistake
older
so
much money for schooling so that will be easy to handle family.
Add a missing verb
have so
Secondly
,Linking Words
children
faces loneliness in their home because they don't have Use synonyms
partner
to play Add an article
a partner
and
Change preposition
with and
sharring
their ideas Correct your spelling
share
so
Correct word choice
apply
it
will lead to social media attention.Previously ,Correct pronoun usage
which
mostly
Correct your spelling
most
children
Use synonyms
spend
a lot of time Wrong verb form
spent
for
playing outside but Change preposition
apply
currently
Add a comma
currently,
youngesters
are not ready Correct your spelling
youngsters
with playing
outside.So current Change preposition
to play
childrens
missing their family band like sister and brother love.Correct your spelling
children
children's
Example
, in Change preposition
For example
singapore
one article shared Change the capitalization
Singapore
20
Correct article usage
a 20
percetage
of Correct your spelling
percentage
Correct article usage
the elder
elder
ratio Fix the agreement mistake
elders
high
Add a missing verb
is high
compare
to the Wrong verb form
compared
youngesters
.
conclusion it is Correct your spelling
youngsters
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
developement
for Correct your spelling
development
yongesters
and it will create stress Correct your spelling
youngsters
to
Change preposition
on
Use synonyms
children
mental health.Change noun form
children's
Linking Words
however
, Capitalize word
However
in
some Change preposition
apply
country
need to reduce Fix the agreement mistake
countries
population
for their Add an article
the population
economy
development.Replace the word
economic
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task response
Your essay does not fully address the prompt. While you mention that some countries have a higher proportion of older people than younger ones, you do not clearly state whether you think this is a positive or negative development. Make sure to clearly state your position in the introduction.
coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear logical structure. Make sure to present your ideas in a coherent and organized manner, with each paragraph focusing on a specific point. Use topic sentences to clearly introduce the main idea of each paragraph.
lexical resource
You need to work on expanding your vocabulary and using a wider range of lexical resources. Try to use more varied and precise vocabulary to express your ideas. Consider using synonyms, idiomatic expressions, and collocations.
grammatical range
There are several grammatical errors throughout your essay. Make sure to proofread your work and pay attention to verb tense consistency, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structures.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.