The availability of entertainment such as playing electronic games on portable devices will be harmful to individuals in the society they live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#availability #entertainment #games #devices #individuals #society

this

day and age, the advent of technology has brought many benefits to our lives. It is undeniable that entertaining activities from technological devices are truly convenient. Yet, many

people

claim that

such

entertainment

does more harm than good. From my perspective, I completely agree with

this

belief.

This

essay will provide reasons and examples for my support.

Firstly

, it is worth considering that some mobile games encourage antisocial behaviour. To be more specific, it is easy to spot a game that contains inappropriate language and violent scenes.

For instance

, the well-known Fortnite game requires players to use guns or knives to hurt others in order to gain victory.

Consequently

, game users find these actions normal and gradually perform similar behaviour in real life. Especially for young

people

, juvenile delinquency is inevitable.

This

is a clear example that the negative effects of technological

entertainment

are tremendous.

Secondly

, overusing portable equipment can make

people

less sociable and isolated.

Moreover

, it might lead to a decrease in

people

's interpersonal skills.

For example

, rather than going outside, most

people

decide to stay at home and chat online.

In other words

, they prefer internet-based interaction to face-to-face conversations.

As a result

people

are no longer empowered with communicative and social skills.

Additionally

, the mental health of the public might be significantly affected

due to

networked

entertainment

. It means that when

people

choose to indoors more often, they eventually become more reserved.

As a consequence

, they might suffer from social anxiety or depression. To summarise,

while

some

people

favour online

entertainment

, some argue that it brings certain disadvantages to our daily lives. I completely agree with

this

belief. Social misconduct and isolation are some negative effects of over-relying on technological advancement.

Submitted by phamngoclannhu.97 on Wed Nov 01 2023

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task response

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coherence and cohesion

Organize your ideas logically and clearly throughout the essay.

lexical resource

Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance your essay.

grammatical range

Attempt to vary your sentence structures to showcase a wider range of grammar.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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14Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

287 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

detrimental
adverse
excessive
physical and mental health issues
dependency
hinder
social skills development
academic performance
productivity
real-life experiences
social interactions
addiction
gambling
harmful behaviors

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The availability of entertainment such as playing electronic games on portable devices will be harmful to individuals in the society they live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people believe that schoolchildren should be made to wear a uniform. Others feel that children should be free to choose their own clothes. Discuss both sides of the argument. Do you agree or disagree with pupils wearing uniforms?

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching younger children) To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The development of tourism contributed to English becoming the most prominent language in the world. Some people think this will lead to English becoming the only language to be spoken globally. What are the advantages and disadvantages to having one language in the world?

Some people think that people should choose their job based on income in order to provide security for their family. Do you think money is an important factor when choosing a job? What other factors should be considered?

Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets in some countries, many small, local business are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?