The availability of entertainment such as playing electronic games on portable devices will be harmful to individuals in the society they live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#availability #entertainment #games #devices #individuals #society

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this

day and age, the advent of technology has brought many benefits to our lives. It is undeniable that entertaining activities from technological devices are truly convenient. Yet, many

people

claim that

such

entertainment

does more harm than good. From my perspective, I completely agree with

this

belief.

This

essay will provide reasons and examples for my support.

Firstly

, it is worth considering that some mobile games encourage antisocial behaviour. To be more specific, it is easy to spot a game that contains inappropriate language and violent scenes.

For instance

, the well-known Fortnite game requires players to use guns or knives to hurt others in order to gain victory.

Consequently

, game users find these actions normal and gradually perform similar behaviour in real life. Especially for young

people

, juvenile delinquency is inevitable.

This

is a clear example that the negative effects of technological

entertainment

are tremendous.

Secondly

, overusing portable equipment can make

people

less sociable and isolated.

Moreover

, it might lead to a decrease in

people

's interpersonal skills.

For example

, rather than going outside, most

people

decide to stay at home and chat online.

In other words

, they prefer internet-based interaction to face-to-face conversations.

As a result

people

are no longer empowered with communicative and social skills.

Additionally

, the mental health of the public might be significantly affected

due to

networked

entertainment

. It means that when

people

choose to indoors more often, they eventually become more reserved.

As a consequence

, they might suffer from social anxiety or depression. To summarise,

while

some

people

favour online

entertainment

, some argue that it brings certain disadvantages to our daily lives. I completely agree with

this

belief. Social misconduct and isolation are some negative effects of over-relying on technological advancement.

Submitted by phamngoclannhu.97 on Wed Nov 01 2023

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task response

Ensure that you fully address the task prompt in your introduction and conclusion.

coherence and cohesion

Organize your ideas logically and clearly throughout the essay.

lexical resource

Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance your essay.

grammatical range

Attempt to vary your sentence structures to showcase a wider range of grammar.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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14
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

287 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

detrimental
adverse
excessive
physical and mental health issues
dependency
hinder
social skills development
academic performance
productivity
real-life experiences
social interactions
addiction
gambling
harmful behaviors

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The availability of entertainment such as playing electronic games on portable devices will be harmful to individuals in the society they live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Many people believe that funding space exploration is important. To what extent do you agree?

Write about the following topic: Some people believe that they should be able to keep all the money they earn, and should not have to pay tax to the state. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

Some people think that as long as professional sportsmen and sportswomen are good players, their behavior on and off the paying fields is not important. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people say that Reading books improves imagination of people and improves their language skills while others say watching TV helps. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some infomation is too important or too valueable to be shared freely.