IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some think dangerous extreme sports such as skydiving and rock climbing should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#think #sports #rock
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A set of individuals believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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life-threatening, intense
sports
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such
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 as skydiving and rock climbing should be prohibited from being enjoyed by
people
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. From my viewpoint, I disagree with
this
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 notion as adventure lovers are thrilled by engaging in these types of
sports
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 and they
also
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 encourage them to maintain physical stamina.
Firstly
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,
the
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apply
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adventure seekers all around the world are developing an endless yearning to accept
challenges
Correct article usage
the challenges
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 of enjoying risky
sports
Use synonyms
 by actively participating in them.
This
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 has led them to follow their passion
while
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 considering it as a self-motivation for them.
Moreover
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,
continuous
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continuously
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 taking part in these fitness activities
help
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helps
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 them to realize a sense of accomplishment for them.
For instance
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, in the UK, Bunjee jumping and parachuting
had
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have
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 been considered as few of the most demanded and enjoyed
sports
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 in the amusement parks in
the
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apply
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recent years.
Secondly
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, the sportspersons who participate in these dangerous
sports
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 are always encouraged to maintain
a
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apply
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better physical stamina throughout their life as
the
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apply
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body balance, muscle endurance and physical activeness have an immense impact on it.
Furthermore
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, mental stability is
also
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 equally imperative as determination and perseverance act as essential traits that should be well developed when doing these
sports
Use synonyms
.
For example
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, nowadays artificial intelligence has developed therapeutic treatments for phobias related to great heights suffered by patients.
This
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 is to create the mental readiness of
people
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 for risky and challenging
sports
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. In conclusion,
although
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 some
people
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 think that
sports
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 that arouse
adrenalin
Correct article usage
an adrenalin
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 rush should be forbidden by the government, I am
with
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of
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 the opinion that they shouldn’t be banned as these recreational activities are better stimulators for adventure thrillers and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
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 who are concerned
of
Change preposition
about
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 maintaining a proper balance of physical and mental well-being.
Submitted by tnirmani94 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that the supporting sentences provide relevant and specific details to support the main idea.
task achievement
Include more specific and varied examples to strengthen your arguments.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary by using more advanced and precise words and phrases.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to improve the overall clarity and coherence of your writing.
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