In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In a majority of countries, it is often said to children that by working hard child will certainly score
wished
Verb problem
their desired
show examples
achievement.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, there are some people who believe that
this
Linking Words
encouragement has enormous
unwelcomed
Correct your spelling
unwelcome
show examples
outcomes.
This
Linking Words
essay below aims to investigate the positive and negative effects of
this
Linking Words
statement. First and foremost,
such
Linking Words
pieces of advice can provoke them to work and make the most of the situation.
In other words
Linking Words
, teenagers will try to do their best in order to achieve certain goals in their lives. In the way of illustration, pupils with the reward tend to work harder than those who do not have any purpose.
In addition
Linking Words
, it
also
Linking Words
changes the attitude towards subjects and the outlook of a child.
Thus
Linking Words
, encouraging teens has a lot of welcomed results.
Last
Linking Words
but not least, little people with
such
Linking Words
kind of data can start to worry about their future in youth. It can be
due to
Linking Words
falling behind in class or just not getting
appropriately
Change the adverb
appropriate
show examples
information in school lessons.
For instance
Linking Words
, when a kid understands that the
pas
Correct your spelling
past
show examples
will be rough he or she starts to panic. As a repercussion, they might become disillusioned by themselves and drop off. In
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conclusion, giving hope to a child does not have any bad consequences,
that is
Linking Words
why the advantages overweight the disadvantages.
Submitted by zarinadalab on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your essay addresses the advantages and disadvantages of giving children the message that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. However, you could provide clearer examples and develop your ideas further.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. However, to improve the overall coherence and cohesion, you need to develop your main points further and provide more specific examples.
lexical resource
Your essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, but you could further enhance it by using more varied and precise language. Additionally, make sure to use appropriate academic vocabulary for an IELTS essay.
grammatical range
Your essay shows a fair range of grammatical structures and generally accurate grammar. However, there are some mistakes and awkward phrasing that can be improved.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: