IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement that oil, jungle, water, and other natural resources are being used too much? What are the main causes of this issue and what do you believe is the best possible solution? Provide reasons and examples to support your viewpoint."

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It is true that
,
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apply
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 oil, jungle,water and other natural
resources
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 are being used too much.The main cause of
this
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 issue
that
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is that
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 people try to build new cities even in forested
areas
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 and the best possible solution is governments should do much more to curb the exploitation of these non-renewable
resources
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. The main reason why
planet's
Correct article usage
the planet's
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resources
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 are expended
that
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is that
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 people are taking ownership of new lands and opening up various environmentally harmful enterprises,
favoring
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favouring
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 natural
resources
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 and
also
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 forests just to get rich.
As a result
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 of
this
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, forest
areas
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 are decreasing and the gas produced by various enterprises contains toxic substances, and
this
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 gas is not only harmful to nature
,
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 but
also
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 harmful to the animal world.
In addition
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, in many urban
areas
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 and enterprises, natural
resources
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 are now being used extensively for daily needs and production.
For example
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,
according to
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last
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 year's report, the world's population, especially in urban
areas
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, used natural
resources
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 for various modern technologies without stopping
due to
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 extreme cold. The solution that I believe would be most effective is that there are various steps that the government could take to tackle these problems.
Initially
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, they could encourage the use of renewable and sustainable energy from solar, wind, or water power. So, they could grant subsidies or adopt
favorable
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favourable
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 policies
to
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for
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 eco-friendly industries
such
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 as the electronic vehicle business.
Moreover
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, politicians have the right to impose laws and punitive penalties on companies, which could help to limit the release of exhaust fumes or sewage and
to
Verb problem
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reduce deforestation as well.
In addition
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 to investing more in technological advances in order to mitigate these environmental problems.
For example
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: about two years ago, the government of Canada issued a law on the conservation of natural
resources
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 and the use of certain amounts by law, and after some time
this
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 method was effective. In conclusion, the reason for the overuse of natural
resources
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 is that people sacrifice these
resources
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 for their own income without thinking about nature, and governments should certainly implement a range of measures to preserve natural
resources
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 and save the environment.

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task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the prompt, addressing the extent to which the writer agrees or disagrees with the statement. However, it lacks clarity in presenting the writer's viewpoint. It would be better to clearly state whether the writer agrees or disagrees and then provide reasons and examples to support the viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is generally clear, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, there are some instances where the flow of ideas could be improved. Make sure to use transitional phrases to connect ideas and create a smoother flow between paragraphs.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary and uses some academic language appropriately. To enhance the lexical resource, try using more varied vocabulary and academic expressions to strengthen the arguments and make the essay more sophisticated.
grammatical range
The essay shows a good range of grammatical structures and the sentences are generally well-formed. However, there are some grammatical errors and inconsistencies throughout the essay. Take extra care to proofread the essay and check for subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and sentence structure.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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