IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

New household appliances have resulted in more free time for women and has enabled them to both work and run a home with dependent children. What are the advantages for a family when the mother works? Do you think advantage outweigh diadvantages?

In the present situation, various appliances are available in the market to complete most of the daily household activities
and
Correct word choice
apply
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it
results
Wrong verb form
resulting
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 in more leisure time for
women
Use synonyms
.
Hence
Linking Words
,
few
Correct article usage
a few
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 of them continue their job and parallelly take care of their children.
This
Linking Words
 essay explains the potential advantages of working
women
Use synonyms
Linking Words
along
Punctuation problem
, along
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 with my opinion on
this
Linking Words
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the prominent pro will be financial stabilisation. In
this
Linking Words
 current expensive world, it will be difficult to run a family with a single person's income
so
Punctuation problem
, so
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 both wife and husband should work to bear financial expenses.
Moreover
Linking Words
, working
women
Use synonyms
 get more respect in
family
Correct article usage
the family
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 and society compared to housewives.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
 will get the opportunity to gain knowledge about society and suggest to their family the right path in both education and career.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, with their busy schedule, they may not spend more time with family
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it may lead to a combat
connection
Check wording
relationship
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 between parent and child. In spite of the very few reasons, I think there are more advantages to
female
Check wording
women
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 working in society.
For example
Linking Words
, my aunt is a software engineer and he is running her children
along with
Linking Words
 office work. Now, they are living in their own house with a new Tesla car
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 she is the most respectful person in my relatives' family group.
To sum up
Linking Words
, there should not be gender inequality in the concept of raising children
Linking Words
Punctuation problem
; instead
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instead
Punctuation problem
instead,
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 both parents should take equal responsibility to run the family.
This
Linking Words
 could lead to a happy and healthy world.

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coherence
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences in that paragraph relate to that idea.
task achievement
You raised good points about financial stability and respect for working women.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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