Write about the following topic: There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 wo

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The pressure on young people to excel academically in today's competitive world is undeniable. Many argue that to meet these demands, non-academic

subjects

like physical

education

and cookery should be eliminated from school curricula, allowing

students

to focus solely on academic pursuits.

However

, I staunchly disagree with

this

perspective.

Firstly

, non-academic

subjects

offer holistic development. Physical

education

teaches teamwork, discipline, and the importance of physical health. Cookery classes

instill

Change the spelling

instil

show examples

valuable life skills, encouraging self-sufficiency and promoting a balanced diet. These skills are integral to personal development and well-being, equipping

students

with practical knowledge beyond textbooks.

Secondly

, not all

students

excel academically; some discover their talents in non-academic domains.

For instance

, a student struggling in mathematics might find solace and confidence in sports or cooking. Removing these

subjects

could deprive

such

students

of opportunities to shine and erode their self-esteem.

Moreover

, non-academic

subjects

foster creativity. In a world increasingly reliant on innovation, creativity is a cornerstone skill. Cooking,

for example

, involves experimenting with

flavors

Change the spelling

flavours

show examples

and textures, encouraging inventive thinking. Physical

education

nurtures strategic thinking and adaptability, vital attributes in various careers.

Lastly

, these

subjects

can

also

address academic challenges indirectly. Regular physical activity enhances concentration and reduces stress, potentially improving

overall

academic performance.

Similarly

, learning to cook nutritious meals can positively impact a student's health, leading to better attendance and focus in academic classes. In conclusion, the elimination of non-academic

subjects

would be detrimental to the holistic development of young individuals. A balanced

education

, encompassing both academic and non-academic disciplines, prepares

students

not just for exams, but for life, instilling essential skills and values that are indispensable in the real world.

Submitted by grishma1908 on Wed Nov 01 2023

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Task Response

Your essay provides a clear and strong response to the given task. You thoroughly address the question, presenting your opinion and supporting it with relevant ideas and examples. Well done!

Coherence and Cohesion

While your essay maintains overall coherence and cohesion, there are a few areas where you can improve. Make sure to have a clear and concise introduction that explicitly states your opinion. Additionally, consider using transition words and phrases to improve the flow between paragraphs and ideas.

Lexical Resource

Your use of vocabulary is commendable, with a wide range of words and expressions. However, to further enhance your essay, try incorporating more advanced and varied vocabulary, as well as idiomatic phrases, to add depth and sophistication to your arguments.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

Your essay demonstrates a good command of grammar with generally accurate sentence structures. To achieve a higher score, pay attention to sentence construction and ensure consistency in verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and the appropriate use of articles. Moreover, aim for more varied sentence types, including complex and compound sentences.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

6 paragraphs

270 words

7.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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