Write about the following topic: There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 wo
The pressure on young people to excel academically in today's competitive world is undeniable. Many argue that to meet these demands, non-academic
subjects
like physical education
and cookery should be eliminated from school curricula, allowing students
to focus solely on academic pursuits. However
, I staunchly disagree with this
perspective.
Firstly
, non-academic subjects
offer holistic development. Physical education
teaches teamwork, discipline, and the importance of physical health. Cookery classes instill
valuable life skills, encouraging self-sufficiency and promoting a balanced diet. These skills are integral to personal development and well-being, equipping Change the spelling
instil
students
with practical knowledge beyond textbooks.
Secondly
, not all students
excel academically; some discover their talents in non-academic domains. For instance
, a student struggling in mathematics might find solace and confidence in sports or cooking. Removing these subjects
could deprive such
students
of opportunities to shine and erode their self-esteem.
Moreover
, non-academic subjects
foster creativity. In a world increasingly reliant on innovation, creativity is a cornerstone skill. Cooking, for example
, involves experimenting with flavors
and textures, encouraging inventive thinking. Physical Change the spelling
flavours
education
nurtures strategic thinking and adaptability, vital attributes in various careers.
Lastly
, these subjects
can also
address academic challenges indirectly. Regular physical activity enhances concentration and reduces stress, potentially improving overall
academic performance. Similarly
, learning to cook nutritious meals can positively impact a student's health, leading to better attendance and focus in academic classes.
In conclusion, the elimination of non-academic subjects
would be detrimental to the holistic development of young individuals. A balanced education
, encompassing both academic and non-academic disciplines, prepares students
not just for exams, but for life, instilling essential skills and values that are indispensable in the real world.Submitted by grishma1908 on
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Task Response
Your essay provides a clear and strong response to the given task. You thoroughly address the question, presenting your opinion and supporting it with relevant ideas and examples. Well done!
Coherence and Cohesion
While your essay maintains overall coherence and cohesion, there are a few areas where you can improve. Make sure to have a clear and concise introduction that explicitly states your opinion. Additionally, consider using transition words and phrases to improve the flow between paragraphs and ideas.
Lexical Resource
Your use of vocabulary is commendable, with a wide range of words and expressions. However, to further enhance your essay, try incorporating more advanced and varied vocabulary, as well as idiomatic phrases, to add depth and sophistication to your arguments.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Your essay demonstrates a good command of grammar with generally accurate sentence structures. To achieve a higher score, pay attention to sentence construction and ensure consistency in verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and the appropriate use of articles. Moreover, aim for more varied sentence types, including complex and compound sentences.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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