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Writing Samples
Band 5

The chart shows the average number of hours each day that Chinese, American, Turkish and Brazilian tourists spent doing leisure activities while on holiday in Greece in August 2019.

The chart shows the average number of hours each day that Chinese, American, Turkish and Brazilian tourists spent doing leisure activities while on holiday in Greece in August 2019.
#hours #chinese #american #turkish #brazilian #tourists #leisure #activities #holiday #greece
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This
Correct determiner usage
These
show examples
 bar charts show the
figurer
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
show examples
 of
Chinese
, American, Turkish and Brazilian tourists
spent
Correct pronoun usage
who spent
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 time doing activities
whereas
Correct word choice
while
show examples
 on holiday in Greece in August 2019. It is clear from the graph that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
reading books is the highest number,
while
 the lowest
figurer
Correct your spelling
figure
show examples
 is visiting pleases.
According to
 what is shown,
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Chinese
 tourist has
Correct article usage
the longest
show examples
longest
Correct article usage
the longest
show examples
hours
take to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
reading
Wrong verb form
read
show examples
 books
Change preposition
at
show examples
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 8
hours
 per day.
Moreover
, the
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
 in Brazil spend more
hours
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the beach about 6
hours
 per day.
However
, the Turkish and American
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
visiting
Wrong verb form
visited
show examples
 places
around
Change preposition
for around
show examples
 3
hours
in
Change preposition
during
show examples
 the day.
While
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 Turkish and Brazil spend
total
Add an article
a total
show examples
 of 4
hours
 each reading books. On the other
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
show examples
, the tourist of
Chinese
 takes 1 hour to
visiting
Change the verb form
visit
show examples
please
Add a comma
, please
show examples
.
To sum up
, we can see that the reading
book
Fix the agreement mistake
books
show examples
 in
Chinese
Correct article usage
the Chinese
show examples
 group is twice
than
Change preposition
as in
show examples
 other countries.
Also
,
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
all tourists spend
less hour
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer hours
show examples
 than other activities.
Submitted by taqwaalsakiti on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words chinese, hours with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • average number
  • leisure activities
  • tourists
  • nationalities
  • cultural trends
  • interests
  • vacation
  • influence
  • participation
  • impact
  • weather
  • events
  • festivals
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