IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

An increasingly number of professionals , such as doctors and teachers , are leaving their own poorer countries yo work in developed countries . What problems does this cause? What solutions can you suggest to deal with this situation ?

#professionals #doctors #teachers #countries #yo #work #situation
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These days, the world has been encountering evidence which name is migration;
additionally
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, It is important that
this
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 happen the figure of
people
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 who are really good at their
work
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 leave both poor and not developed
countries
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 for
work
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 in developed
countries
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.
This
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 essay discusses the problems that are a result of
this
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 happening and how can we solve
this
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 issue. All of the
people
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 who live on Earth like to spend their lives in good situations, so they leave their place where they are native to the areas which have good facilities;
however
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,
this
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 evidence has several matters
such
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 as non-developed
countries
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 can neither become developed nor earn
money
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 which spends. On the one hand, governments invest in their new generations owing to the fact that they will be evolving their
countries
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,
although
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, when these populations who are really good workers like doctors, teachers, engineers, and others go to other
countries
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;
therefore
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, these
countries
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 cannot become developed
countries
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due to
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 the fact that they lost their professionals inhabitants.
On the other hand
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, these
countries
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 spend a lot of
money
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 on their younger communities on account of the fact that they not only
work
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 in industries but
also
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 improve them;
hence
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, these
countries
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 can replace
money
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 which is spent to grow them, but in
this
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 situation lose their
money
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.
This
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 question like other matters has several solutions. I advise that authorities climb their economy, and make positions in which societies do not like emigrates. On the one side, if the economy of
countries
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 is not satisfaction ,
then
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people
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 of these
countries
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 prefer to immigrate to other
countries
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 that have nice economies;
nevertheless
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, if authorities spend a lot of time on enhancing their economies by getting help from other societies, and grow their companies;
then
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 a massive group of
people
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 do not go anywhere. On the other side,
countries
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 have to be really calm and provide good facilities which aid
people
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 to have a good lifestyle.
For instance
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, the most essential things which one family need are a car, house, modern technology, and
work
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 with good qualities;
thus
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, when they have them they do not need to go to other
countries
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.
To sum up
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, It is crucial that governments take a position which is good for
people
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 like the economy and equipment to not leave their
countries
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 and
countries
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 lose their
people
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 who have a lot of benefits.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on refining your sentence structure and grammar to improve clarity. For example, 'the figure of people' should be 'the number of people.'
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph should explore one main idea clearly. Avoid convoluted sentences and be direct in presenting your points.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. For instance, you could mention specific countries facing brain drain and detail how they are affected.
task achievement
Divide complex sentences into simpler ones to improve readability. This will also help in making your ideas more comprehensible.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay flows logically from one point to the next. Consider using more transition words and phrases to help guide the reader.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and set up the essay well.
task achievement
You’ve identified key problems and attempted to provide solutions, thereby addressing the task at hand.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a thoughtful approach to a complex issue.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • brain drain
  • skilled professionals
  • economic impact
  • public services
  • healthcare
  • education
  • host countries
  • migration
  • sustainable development goals
  • qualified individuals
  • essential services
  • infrastructure development
  • emotional strain
  • economic progression
  • resource allocation
What to do next:
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