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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Fast-food companies should not be allowed to give away free toys with their food. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#fast-food #companies #toys #food
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Undoubtedly ,fast
food
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 organisations earn a hefty amount of wealth by advertising the
freebies
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 with their meals ,and the
food
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 is consumed by
children
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 with joy after gaining toys
however
Linking Words
, the drastic effects caused by consumption of
ready to eat
Add a hyphen
ready-to-eat
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food
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 are shunned by buyers. I am completely in favour of
aforementioned
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the aforementioned
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 statement.
As per
Change preposition
From
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 my standpoint,
this
Linking Words
 practice should be disallowed with immediate effect. To commence with reasons to support my opinion, the proclaiming promotions of companies lure
children
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 by offering
freebies
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 with
food
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 items, and
children
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 are
exhilrated
Correct your spelling
exhilarated
 by
such
Linking Words
 advertisements which leads them to buy unhealthy
food
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.
In addition
Linking Words
,
temptation
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the temptation
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 of free toys gives
invitation
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an invitation
the invitation
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 to unwanted expenses.
In other words
Linking Words
, kids expend money on unwanted edibles in order to receive toys.
For instance
Linking Words
,
Mcdonals
Correct your spelling
McDonald
' is a prominent
food
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 chain company that renders a free figure of their mascot ' Ronald' with their meals.
As a consequence
Linking Words
, consumers are attracted by giving away
freebies
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 of their action figures in order to raise sales of
food
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 outlets. Probing ahead, the high content of calories present in
fast-
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fast-food
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food
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 items cause various ailments like high blood pressure, obesity, heart problems etcetera.
Thus
Linking Words
, indulgence in
food
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 served by
fast-
Correct your spelling
fast-food
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food
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 outlets has drastic effects on
human
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the human
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 body and
major
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the major
a major
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 issue is obesity which is
further
Linking Words
 linked to heart problems. To exemplify, in developed nations, residents mostly or solely thrive on fast
food
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 ,and it is manifested in the fact that these nations make up for the largest chunk of obese people.
As a result
Linking Words
, residents suffer from serious ailments. To recapitulate, owing to
aforementioned
Correct article usage
the aforementioned
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 reasons it can be concluded that these advertisements should not be continued and
authories
Correct your spelling
authorities
authorises
 should take serious action
toward
Change preposition
against
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 the companies that lure
children
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 using
freebies
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.
Submitted by gill.g24 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph discusses a single idea and is properly connected to the preceding and succeeding paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Include a clearer and more precise thesis statement in the introduction.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance the overall lexical resource.
grammatical range
Pay attention to subject-verb agreement to improve grammatical range.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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