IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Today more people are overweight than ever before. What in your opinion are the primary causes of this? What are the main effects of this epidemic? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #effects #epidemic
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people
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 are overweight than ever before is becoming more widespread in many parts of the world these days.
This
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 essay will examine the causes
as well as
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 the effects related to
this
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 tendency. There are a variety of different causes for
this
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 matter.
To begin
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 with, nowadays more and more
people
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 eat unhealthy
food
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 than in the past.
For example
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, most children love to have fast
food
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 at Popeyes
instead
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 of their mom cooks. Another contributing factor to mention is that
people
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 consume a large volume of
food
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 and alcohol and do not do any exercise. It leads to their fat because the big volume of
food
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 and drink go into their bodies but they do nothing to burn those calories. Unexpectedly, there are some significant effects to be concerned. The first and most important is that overweight kids will face different types of sicknesses because of their weight.
For example
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, nowadays a high percentage of overweight children visit doctors often. Another effect no less important is that a serious mental illness will affect fat youngsters.
For instance
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, youngsters hate their bodies and feel stressed because of being body-shamed by other
people
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. In conclusion,
people
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 being overweight is a big problem that affects a lot of
people
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 nowadays. It’s mainly caused by the
food
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 quality and quantity and how
people
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 deal with all the
food
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 in their bodies. From what has been discussed, it is advised that we should be careful in not only choosing types of
food
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 but
also
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 doing exercise to keep our body in good shape.
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

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task response
While you provided some relevant examples to support your points, it would be beneficial to include more specific and detailed examples. This will strengthen the argument presented in the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The overall logical structure of the essay is good. However, the introduction and conclusion could be more developed. Consider providing a clear thesis statement in the introduction and summarizing the main points in the conclusion.
lexical resource
Your use of vocabulary is appropriate and adequate for the essay. However, try to expand your range by using more sophisticated or varied vocabulary to enhance the quality of your writing.
grammatical range
Your grammatical range is generally accurate, with only a few minor errors. Keep in mind to review and proofread your work to eliminate any grammatical errors and improve the overall fluency of your writing.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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