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Band 6

With the development of online communication, people will never be alone and will always be able to make new friends. To what extent do you agree?

#development #communication #people #friends
In
this
 era of advancing technology, communication has become easier for us humans as we can meet and greet virtually. Because of
this
, some argue that
people
 will never have to go through solitary phases in their lives as it is possible to socialize through online platforms.
This
 essay will argue why virtual communication may not be sufficient to get rid of
people
's loneliness. With technological progression, online networking has become more commonplace. In the past, maintaining distant communications was not as simple as it is now. Today, it is just within hand's reach as we can call or chat with
people
 from even foreign lands and develop rapport with them. In fact, a recent study conducted by Patronus Service found that more than two-thirds of
people
 they interviewed maintain close kinships with
people
 they have connected through online servers, but never met in person. With all that considered,
however
, the virtual connection still cannot supersede relationships made through personal meetings and gatherings. When
people
 frequently come in close proximity with each other, only
then
 they can feel the real essence of bonding as it allows them to observe each other's countenances, attitudes, and personalities closely. These humane traits or qualities are not easily revealed in online meetings, and the effect is the absence of spiritual bonding.
Thus
,
people
 making friends online can never get the fulfilment of true companionship. And I believe, eventually they will be left alone, without anyone really standing beside them in times of need.
To conclude
,
although
 virtual communication has made it more flexible to make new connections,
people
 can still feel lonely after making friends online, as these types of
friendship
Fix the agreement mistake
friendships
show examples
is
Verb problem
have
show examples
 only surfaced.
Submitted by arefinneloy1 on

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Task achievement
The essay addresses the task prompt and presents arguments for why virtual communication may not be sufficient to eliminate loneliness. However, the supporting examples could be more specific and varied.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The ideas are organized coherently and the essay flows well. However, there could be more clarity and development in connecting the main points.
Lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary with varied word choices. However, there is room for improvement in using more specific and precise language to express ideas.
Grammatical range
The essay shows a reasonably good command of grammatical structures with few errors. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence structures and minor grammatical mistakes.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • connectivity
  • geographical gaps
  • interact
  • social media platforms
  • messaging apps
  • revolutionized
  • physical distance
  • online communities
  • camaraderie
  • immediate surroundings
  • unparalleled opportunities
  • superficial relationships
  • excessive reliance
  • emotional warmth
  • tactile comfort
  • digital communication
  • digital divide
  • internet censorship
  • global connectivity
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